29.5.03

it would be just like my blogger to not work at this moment. I'm glad it is.
Condensed philosophy time. I've been feeling very socially unaccepted recently. It's my fault, because people aren't really clique-ish or snobby at all, and I'm trying to figure out exactly why i"m feeling this way. I think I know. At least I think I do. It's because I'm not as involved as I used to be. I don't volunteer anymore, I don't organize things, I've stopped caring about orchestra and other things in my life. There's hardly any homework anymore so I've just stopped doing it. My life feels devoid of purpose. Obvious solution: add these things back in, which will eventually result in the state i was in before.
But that raises more questions. Do I do all these activities to hide myself from the fact of my own unhappiness? Or do these things truly make me happy?
I find comfort in odd places.
All right, that's enough of that. Track meet tomorrow to go to and me with nothing packed. Later gaters.

would you hold my hand
if I saw you in heaven
would you help me stand
if I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way
through night and day
'cause I know I just can't stay
here in heaven


Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven

26.5.03

wow, it's been like a week since I've blogged. More, actually. I can't write much now - I'm getting ready for my aunt's birthday party. In Hoquiam.... fun stuff. But hey, I made it to state for Javelin, which is happy. Unexpected, but happy. It means I have 2 days of school next week starting tomorrow. Joy.. Alrighty then, I'm off. More blogging later if the stupid thing works.

Loneliness, your lips and the two coins of your eyes
into my pockets
a train skates into Port Henry late Sunday
Sometimes when I'm riding high, feeling fine
you know there's something troubling my mind
so I reach into my pocket for some small change
I reach into my pocket for some small change

dispatch - two coins