just got back from Vancouver, WA. Good times had by all, even though sometime during the 12-hour fest it began to snow, so people couldn't leave, and the people who were trying to show up got stuck on the roads. lots of junk/fast food eaten due to being in a hurry and not wanting to cook. bleh.

I should go to the office and put in a few hours... they need a receptionist. alright, step one: finding nice clothes to wear. (I left most of mine at college.)

old man river said
"you can go your own way
if you just leave him alone"
do not deliver all your things today
we are going home
oh by the way now so hungry
I got bats in the belfry
I'm in the kitchen, boiling society
I'm in the open catching all the leaves
we all see what we want

Dispatch - Bats in the Belfry

although it's been said many times, many ways:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

to you.

love, me

ooh. Shot down.

back in O-Town. I gotta give it to ya, Jarnigan, it really is boring here. At the U there aren't enough hours in the day; here there are too many, it seems. But the lack of homework is a beautiful thing.

Can't blog anymore right now - going to the CHS girls
basketball game.

later yo.

ah, college. A place where you lose the friends you thought you'd always know, and you find friends you never knew you had. "Can I have another hug?" Priceless.

The plan for tomorrow (since I finished with finals today) is to chill out for awhile. Run some errands. Just play it cool, yo? Totally.

yay for being done with finals!! 'Twil be tres cool to hang out at home and not do anything. Main goals are to arrange a song for my acapella group and to finish the sweater for the Scrub. Also to see all the old friends - woot!

mm Tim's potato chips. original, no other. tasty.

man, you take your laptop all over campus for ONE DAY and certain buttons on the right side stop working. arrgh.

do you think butter labeled "Dec. 13" was okay to melt over popcorn tonight?

Definitely time for bed. Definitely. Most definitely.

Still listening to "Birdhouse in your Soul". I'm obsessed.

Darth Vader: I will have the penne a la arabiata.
Canteen Boy: You'll need a tray.
DV: Do you know who I am?
CB: Do you know who I am?
DV:This is not a game of "who-the-f*** are you," for I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought.
CB: Well, you'll still need a tray.
DV: No I will not need a tray, I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the force which is strong within me. Even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished, for I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed on the canteen floor...
CB: No, the food is hot, you'll need a tray to put the food on.
DV: Oh, I see, the food is hot, I did not realize, haha, haha. Oh, take the.. yes. I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death.

Eddie Izzard - Circle

what a wasted 12 hours.

the coolest thing about this song is the chord changes from line to line. DL it and check it out.

I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
but I'm a little glowing friend
but really I'm not actually your friend,
but I am
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
who watches over you
make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it:
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul
I've got a secret to tell
from my electrical well
it's a simple message and I'm leaving out
the whistles and bells
so the room must listen to me
filibuster vigilantly
My name is blue canary one-word
spelled l-i-t-e
My story's infinite
like the Longines Symphonette
it doesn't rest
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
who watches over you
make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it:
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul
I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
but I'm a little glowing friend
but really I'm not actually your friend,
but I am
There's a picture opposite me
of my primitive ancestry
which stood on rocky shores and
Kept the beaches shipwreck free
Though I respect that a lot
I'd be fired if that were my job
After killing Jason off and
countless screaming argonauts
Bluebird of friendliness
like guardian angels
its always near
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
who watches over you
make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it:
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch
who watches over you
make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it:
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul
(and while you're at it
leave the nite lite on inside that
birdhouse in your soul)
Not to put too fine a point on it:
say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
make a little birdhouse in your soul

Brown Derbies' cover of Birdhouse in your Soul by They Might Be Giants

ooooh. Finals. Watch out.

I have a final paper to write, plus another research paper. Then there are two finals, one Saturday and one Monday. Some homework due Wednesday. I am going to die.

But hey, in a week, this gloom they call Autumn Quarter will come to a close, and I will be done. Woot.

Actually, life here is getting better by the day. I definitely feel more connected. Saturday evening was fantastic, mostly because I had my a cappella concert. The show itself was okay - I always enjoy singing - but the part that made me just overjoyed was the fact that so many people I knew came to see me perform. There were, of course, my high school buds, like Manzanita and Teasa and Possum Boy, but there were also new friends, like Q and BB, and LilHusky, and the clustermates of the high school buddies, and it all made me feel so loved. I couldn't believe how connected and "at home" I felt. I love familar faces.

We chose Secret Santas today, and I got this guy I don't really know. Ah well, Circuit City GiftCard time! Guys, tell me if you wouldn't use that. Or perhaps Best Buy... which is better?

I finally bought the Billy Joel CD I've been wanting for forever and a day - it's called Fantasies and Delusions: Music for Solo Piano. It is absolutely gorgeous. It was only 7 bucks - a nice change from the $20 it was when it first came out.

Just got back a half hour ago from bubble tea with a guy I met in the DC++ hUb. Smart thing to do? Prolly not. Fun? Definitely. nice guy, that Brahms. Screen names are so misleading.

til later.

I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
i'm so in love with you
i'll be forever blue
that you give no reason
you know you're making me work so hard
that you give me no soul
i hear you calling
oh baby please
give a little respect to me
and if I should falter
would you open your arms out to me
we could make love not war
and live with peace in our hearts
i'm so in love with you
i'd be forever blue
what reason could drive a man to forsake his lover
that you tell me no soul
i hear you calling
oh baby please
give a little respect to me

RO's version of Wheatus's A Little Respect

i can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
and I don't have to have these dreams no more
i've found someone just to hold me tight
hold the insomniac all night

another reason to go to USC: the acapella is better. however, I did talk to my small group director today, and he's heard a lot of the BOCA stuff, and wants to do more pop stuff (if not all pop stuff). plus, small group is significantly better than the large group. So. yeah. there's hope.

know what's fun? late-night prank calls using sound boards. we haggett people are such dorks. :)

k, well, I've successfully stayed up until after 1 AM for the third night in a row now. I really need to break this cycle - if I keep it up I'll get sick again. my roommate said I'd probably get pnemonia. Sounds accurate to me.

although she's none the wiser
although we've barely met
i can recognize her
from the treatment that I get
so it's my duty to advise her
if she breaks the rules i've set up
although I'll admit it hasn't happened yet
i believe she's lying
i trust her to undermine my faith in her in time
i have every confidence that she'll dismantle mine
given time
as sure as she is sitting here
she's sure that she's awake
as soon as we're committing
we're admitting our mistakes
so of course it's only fitting
that the course we're going to take
is drawn and we're apart and slamming on the brakes
i believe she's lying
i trust her to undermine my faith in her in time
i have every confidence that she'll dismantle mine
given time
that's a given
given time

haha! I got away with TWO audio posts! you guys , if and when you call it, keep pushing "1" and get more posts! this is good fun.

yeah. Thanksgiving. I was happy to be with family and friends. At the same time, I now realize I could never spend an entire summer in Oly anymore, unless I'm working. It's too much.

Weird. That's how I feel.

turn down the lights, turn down the bed
turn down these voices inside my head
lay down with me, tell me no lies
just hold me close, don’t patronize
don’t patronize me
‘cause i can’t make you love me if you don’t
you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
here in the dark, in these final hours
i will lay down my heart and i feel the power
but you won’t, no you won’t
‘cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t

audio post powered by audblog

audio post powered by audblog

please, PLEASE open up new A sections for Chemistry 152. PLEASE.

I'm hoping home will allow me to get some good sleep. Ah, home... I love you.

close your eyes
and take your last breath
rest your head and sigh
the end is the beginning
and everyone between
some lost, some lost
and you won't feel a thing
and you won't recall
anything at all

Howie Day - Perfect Time of Day

You wouldn't believe the bags under my eyes. Really, they're like their own entity or something.... like frickin' rings on a planet. My cold won't let me sleep at night... one evening it'll be a stuffy nose causing my misery, and then the next night I'll be hopped up on Sudafed and it's my cough that's preventing me from attaining sweet oblivion. It won't go away - it just likes to change up the symptoms so it's not just the same old crap every night. How thoughtful.

Cannot wait to get home and see my family and friends. I visited some new buddies over in Bremerton this weekend, and I loved the feeling of being at home. Car rides instead of long walks in the cold. Homes instead of dorm rooms. Denny's instead of late-night chicken strips and fries at T-Caf. It was a nice break. O-Town will feel 100 times better, but Bremerton was a nice appetizer.

Three days. Until then, I have stuff to do (German paper due in a little over an hour). Gotta get to work. Later dudes.

(no music right now - there will be time later)

reasons why I should have gone to USC:

1. my football team wouldn't suck
2. i'd die slowly of pollution rather than continuous colds, which sounds like a better way to go out
3. maybe I'd get shot in one of the nearby 'hoods and the misery would end sooner
4. I bet their registration doesn't suck and they offer CLASSES that people NEED
5. the weather, while being monotonous, would be warm at least
6. i'd be away from annoying high school drama
7. i'd live in honors dorms, with people i know how to socialize with
8. I could wear less clothes, which means less laundry to do
9. two words: private school
10. the grass is always greener. I guess that's the bottom line.

reluctantly crouched at the starting line
engines pumping and thumping in time
the green light flashes, the flags go up
churning and burning, they yearn for the cup
they deftly manuver and muscle for rank
fuel burning fast on an empty tank
reckless and wild, they pour through the turns
the ? is potent and secretly stern
as they speed through the finish, the flags go down
the fans get up and they get out of town
the arena is empty except for one man
still driving and striving as fast as he can
the sun has gone down and the moon has gone up
and long ago somebody left with the cup
but he's driving and striving and hugging the turns
and thinking of someone for whom he still burns
he's going the distance, he's going for speed
she's all alone in a time of need
because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course
he's fighting and biting and riding on his horse
he's going the distance

Cake - The Distance

guess what?

REGISTRATION SUCKS!!!

There are NO English classes open. This means I am probably going to take German for another quarter, which isn't a bad thing, it's just that I really need to take English comp. Also, there are only evening chem classes available. That REALLY sucks, bigtime.

Ah well, next quarter. It'll be great. I'll be registering as a sophomore, so I'll beat out all those freshman fools. Yay.

cuz I gotta have faith

SNOW!

SNOW!

SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

it was cool. I've never seen such late-night, in-the-streets, shirtless, spontaneous revelry as I saw tonight. But then, of course, I've never been to Mardi Gras.

It'd probably be a good idea for me to get some sleep. Like now. But I have registration in 3 hours and I'm pretty sure that there aren't going to be any classes open, so I'd better start panicking now.

later dudes.

I don't mean to be so strange
but my life just took a change
you're amazing, i'm attracted
but I'm terribly distracted
and I'm trying to be verbal
oh back into this circle
cuz I just found someone special
and that's really something special
if you knew me
nice to meet you anyway
Gavin DeGraw - Anyway

yay for care packages and thanksgiving. boo for chemistry and midterms. also finals. and rap. ewwww rap.

yay for sealab 2021! download it or watch it on adult swim today!

that's what the majority of my winter break is going to consist of. Adult Swim. Nightly. Hoo boy.

can I also get a "yay" for "la creme" yogurt. yes, you, sir, there in the pink hat. oh, no sir, I only meant the peach flavor. I really don't know about the others, although I've tried banana and it is quite tasty as well, but that was a while ago.

I used to have to feed "la creme" to a 2-year-old that I babysat for a lot. you would think that would leave a bad impression. but it really is tasty yogurt.

perhaps I should stop leaving random worthless crap on my blog and get back to the chemistry due in 2 hours? mebbe.

oh and my brother signed with WFU. And there was much rejoicing. check it out.

later, y'all.

it's a picture perfect evening
and I'm staring down the sun
fully loaded
deaf and dumb and done
waiting for sedation to disconnect my head
or any situation where I'm better off than dead

Elliot Smith - Sweet Adeline

wow.

I'd never been to an actual music concert before. I must say, it was AWESOME. Jason Mraz's voice is insanely incredible. I loved everything he played, but was especially impressed by "Curbside Prophet", "You and I Both", and of course "The Remedy." Plus, at one point he broke into this glorious opera singing - it was unlike anything I've ever heard before. Amazing. I think I'm in love. :)

So the concert made my otherwise droll birthday into a memorable evening. I mean, who wants to have two exam-thingies and a wicked cold on your birthday? Better than finals, I guess.

WWU tomorrow, and will return to UW on Saturday. I hope I have everybody's contact info.

why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side
rainbows are visions but only illusions
and rainbows have nothing to hide
so we've been told (and some choose to believe)
I know they're wrong (wait and see)
someday we'll find it - the Rainbow Connection
the lovers, the dreamers, and me

who said that every wish would be heard and answered
we wish on the morning star
somebody thought of that and someone believed it
look what it's done so far
what's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
and what do we think we might see?
someday we'll find it - the Rainbow Connection
the lovers, the dreamers, and me

all of us under its spell
we know that it's probably magic

have you been half-asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name
is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors?
the voice might be one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
it's something that I'm s'posed to be
someday we'll find it - the Rainbow Connection
the lovers, the dreamers, and me

Jason Mraz totally covered this song tonight - it was beautiful... *sigh*

time feels gone and wasted. I extended my weekend too much... it's possible to have too much of a good thing when it comes to breaks. okay, well I think it was worth it today, curtailing my studying to hang out with friend and friend's new boyfriend (not sure if they're together yet, but I'm hoping) and the boyfriend's friend, whom he brought with him. Just being around them all was comfortable and fun, making me feel the most at home that I have felt since I've been here. I was tres happy, even if it did mean I had to watch the "Fat Butt and Pancake Head" episode of South Park for what must be the 3rd or 4th time. "Taco taco, taco burrito..."

Am going to Western this weekend. Don't know the exact time of arrival or departure. I will email everyone I can think of and ask them for contact info. Probably won't get around to seeing everybody, but I'd like to try, at any rate.

Can anybody tell me what the 11th thing is in Benson's Superbrain thingy? Here's all i can remember:
1 is the sun
2 are my eyes
3 is a triangle
4 is a stove
5 are my fingers
6 pick up sticks
7 is seven up
8's an octopus
9's a line
10's a hen
11 is fenceposts
12's a dozen eggs
13's a black cat (meow!)
14's a heart
15 is "fifteen minutes of fame!"
16's a driver's license
17's a magazine
18's a vote
19's a remote
20 is 20/20 vision

hokay, so I remembered all of it. Nevermind.

look ma, nothing's gonna change
everything's still remains the same
I can't do what 10 people tell me to do
so I guess I'll remain the same
sittin' here resting my bones
and this loneliness won't leave me alone
two thousand miles I roam
just to make this dock my home
i'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
watchin' the tide roll away
sittin' on the dock of the bay
wastin' time

Otis Redding - Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay

yay for clubbing! you do get some weirdos there, but for the most part it was a lot of fun. you also get completely sweaty and your feet end up hurting a lot, which sucks but is reality (at least for me). My evening was made when I hooked up one of my friends with someone. He looked SO estatic and thanked me profusely after we left (they exchanged email addresses! yay!). Call me Miss Match.

I also *finally* ran into my 2nd cousin at the club. She goes to my school but we haven't seen each other at all for the whole month we've been here. Funny that we would run into each other downtown instead of on campus. Anyway, we're meeting for lunch today, which makes me happy.

alrighty, chemistry homework time. woot!

Lord, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted
and this moment keeps slipping away
and I get so tired
working so hard for our survival
and I look to the time with you
to keep me awake and alive
but all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light, the heat
I am complete
we see the doorway of a thousand churches
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
oh I see the light and the heat
I wanna be that complete
I wanna touch the light, the heat I see
in your eyes

Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes

so, the weekend. Friday was the most frickin' coolest thing EVER, in that I went to something called a "gypsy party" with some people from McMahon. It was put on by some SPU seniors, which is kinda random... the girls I was with knew them from youth group. So yeah, the theme was gypsy, and about half the people were dressed up, and we ate some tasty rice-and-bean dish and danced to crazy violin and flute music. later we even made our own music, playing drums and fiddles and horns and basses... it was amazing. We made so much noise... i'm surprised we didn't get complaints. The house was on a hill in Freemont and had an amazing view - lights as far as you could see. I wanna live there!

So that was fun. Last night was also good clean fun, going with my seminar group to dinner at an Indian restaurant on the Ave. We were also supposed to go to a play ("The Imaginary Invalid") but dinner ran late. It was good indian food though, something which I'd never tried. The mango lassi could have been better. Later I watched a scary Japanese movie with a guy down the hall, and then got to see a friend who was visiting from WSU. Needless to say, last night was a late one.

Today's plan? So far, I've been reading a novel and eating yogurt. I should probably work on doing something productive, like studying or going to the IMA. Yeah, I think I'll get on to one of those.

I'm excited for Thursday! first concert and a change of age! whoohoo

then the girl in the cafe taps me on the shoulder
i realize five years went by and I'm older
memories smolder, the winter's colder
but that same piano loops over and over and over
the road shines and the rain washes away
the same chinese takeaway selling stuff in a tray
the star curl round, i walk down
same sights same sounds
new beats though
solid concrete under my feet
no surprises, no treats
the world stands still as my mind sloshes round
the washing-up bowl in my crown
my life's been up and down since I walked from that crowd

The Streets - Weak Become Heroes

by the way, that poll needs to be turned - it's currently stating The Simpsons as the best show. Family Guy is good too! c'mon!

And I don't recommend continuing with the pop quiz once you get to rumandmonkey.com. The questions are kinda stupid.

anyway, ya, saw Matrix Revolutions last night. Just kinda had to get it over with to see what happens. I wasn't all that excited. Somewhere along the line, it lost its magic for me.. probably at about the point when I saw the second one for the second time. It was still entertaining, though, and I like how it makes me think. A revelation every minute. Woot.

Okay, well class in an hour. I'll leave you with this:

who knows how much further we'll go on
maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time
I had said good thoughts at the start
I said to myself, "hold on to your heart"
now I know the woman that you are
you're wonderful so far
and it's all that I hoped for
I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that I intend to hold you
for the longest time

Billy Joel - For the Longest Time (one of my a cappella group's songs!)

What's a better show?

Family Guy
The Simpsons

Mitch Hedberg is the man, yo. Check it out:

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I bought a seven dollar pen, because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill...

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in the file. Under "D"."

It's funnier when you hear him actually say it. That's the best. Want more? Go here.

Also, a friend gave this to me. The whole site takes a while to read but MAN, is it funny.

Okay, chem time. Quiz in 2 hours. yikes!

I know you don't think you did me wrong
and I can't stay here, not for long
keeping ahold of what you just let go
you're just somebody that I used to know

Elliot Smith, bless his soul

no no, my dear IrishGuy, you don't understand. At college (well at least here at the U) you can buy stuff at the convience store located in the next dorm over. Ice cream. cookies. candy. chips. ALL ON YOUR MEAL PLAN. it's good and AWFUL at the same time.

so, funniest convo I've had tonight (online, but the names are deleted to protect the innocent):

my friend: taco, taco, taco, burrito!
me: let's make a run for the border..
my friend: if you plan to take off my top...
me: you know what I want to order...
my friend: three tacos, two tostados and a soda pop
my friend: yeah
my friend: and dont forget the hot sauce chulo

man, I love south park.

oh yeah, all right, feels good inside. - weezer.

skipped chemistry today in the interest of getting myself some physical fitness. I hope we didn't learn much. oh, wait, we NEVER do, because the lectures are WORTHLESS. have to learn everything out of the book... grumble grumble.

feelin' content today. I'm hoping the jason mraz concert next week will be good.

stupid leftover halloween candy. it's frickin' everywhere.

so, sleep tonight? go to the Inn? visit south campus yet again? or do homework? so many choices, so little time. I think I'll start with a shower. Adios.

i'm not feeling all right today
i'm not feeling that great
i'm not catching on fire today
love has started to fade
i'm not going to smile today
i'm not gonna laugh
you're out livin' it up today
i've got dues to pay
the gravedigger puts on the foreceps
the stone mason does all the work
the barber can give you a haircut
the carpenter can take you out to lunch
but I just want to play on my panpipes
I just want to drink me some wine
as soon as you're born you start dying
so you might as well have a good time

Cake - Sheep go to Heaven

as fun as the chatterbox is, I'm thinking of terminating its existence. it causes trouble in the form of unwanted popups which tend to reset people's homepages.

this feels not so much like home, but like life. and I'm liking life. if only college didn't add so many pounds... i feel like my butt has multiplied itself by a factor of 10. probably not far from the truth. eh, I'm going to work out tomorrow. it'll be fantastic.

finished a week's worth of chem homework about an hour ago, and got it all sent in to webassign. ran to the library to clear my head (and also to get my thrice-renewed rented movies back before the midnight deadline), and now I can't sleep. on an unrelated note, ever wonder why we were never allowed to do this kind of stuff at home? you know, late night runs in the cold and dark, and staying up til 2 in the morning, and chatting online a lot? BECAUSE IT'S BAD. That's why.

met really cool boy as of late. I guess he talks about me a lot? this was interpreted by a third party to mean that he likes me? which doesn't make any sense because, unbeknownst to the 3rd party, this boy is gay. yeah, missed a step there. awwright. anyway, he's fun to hang out with. He and I and a few other people (including Manzanita) took a trip at 2 friday night (saturday morning?) to the international district to get some chinese food. (why chinese food so far away? because we were looking for a KFC and we didn't find any, and finally the bus driver called out "last stop", so we got off). decent chinese food and a fun time. then last night, the same group of us watched a ripped version of X2, which I had never seen. Good stuff.

I really do want to live on south campus. I could make it happen, but then I'd be outta luck when TC shuts down operations in the spring. A girl's gotta eat! I guess I'll be satisfied with going down there every other night. hmm.

you in the traffic for all eternity
how could that speed be where you want to be
don't you really want instant pleasure?
think that all these folks that may
do it cuz the pay is great
what you thinking anyway
if drinking coffee's your idea of being cool
you can't expect no crazy chick to notice you
just sittin' there dreamin' instant pleasure

that song doesn't really make sense.. silly Rufus Wainwright

It is over.

hokay, just kidding. College isn't so bad. The folks down in T/L are actually quite cool. and I bought a sweater the other night for 9 dollah. fantastic!

mmm sweepy time. I really need to regulate when I go to bed.

here are a few of my current favorite sites:

end of the world

mario twins (hey slade! shiggity shiggity shwa... guess what idiot!)

this one isn't really my fav website, but it certainly is what the double-pumpkin that JFrey and I bought yesterday will *hopefully *l ook like once we're done carving it tomorrow.

happy halloween everybody!

this excerpt doesn't really give the song justice. But I'll post part of it here anyway:

say it ain't so
your drug is a heartbreaker
say it ain't so
my love is a lifetaker

oh yeah Weezer

[to the tune of "Following the Leader"]

boy, how I hate college, hate college, hate college
boy, how I hate college
I think it really sucks.

ate WAY too much today. I feel like I'm going to explode.

Am on my way to church... a 9:30 youth group? who ever heard of such a thing? yay college.

Then a German quiz to study for. The fun never ends around here!

based on your smile
I'm betting all of this might be over soon
but you're bound to win
cuz if I'm betting against you
I think I'd rather lose
but this is all that I have
so please
take what's left of this broken heart and use
please use only what you really need
you know I only have so little so please
mend your broken heart and leave

I know it's not your style
I can tell by the way that you move it's real real soon
but I'm on your side
and I don't wanna be your regret
I'd rather be your cocoon
this is all that you have
so please
let me take what's left of your heart and I will use
I swear I'll use only what I need
I know you only have so little so please
let me mend your broken heart

I love Jack Johnson

weekend of good times. the newest Trojan is quite proud of his new school and the prowess of his football team, both of which are very good. it was nice to see him, even if his clothing was always bragging about USC.

I told myself this week would be the week to get to bed early. Man, I lie to myself.

my baby don't mess around because she loves me so and yes I know for sure
but does she really wanna but can't stand to see me walk out the door
don't try to fight the feeling cuz the thought alone is killng me right now
thank God for mom and dad sticking two together cuz we don't know how
hey ya...
you think you've got it, oh you think you got it, but got it just don't get it til there's nothing at all
we get together, oh we get together but separate's always better when there's feelings involved
if what they say is, "nothing is forever"
then what makes love the exception?
so why-o, I think we're in denial cuz I know we're not happy here

Outkast - Hey Ya

Every day's a good day for breakfast. Even if you're like me, and you make Cream of Wheat every morning, day in and day out, and you alway manage to make a mess in the microwave. Even then. It's good.

I rather like that chatterbox. Weasel weasel! Fantastic.

chem midterm tomorrow. it's late. Should go to bed. but, i've got laundry drying in south tower. plus, hey, not much is going down in the next 12 hours.... just german at 10:30 and then lunch with jfrey, so there will be plenty of time to sleep/study/whatever. I love making up my own hours of operation.

But we used to do experiments where you tested it. We decided to test the Theory of Relativity. Jeff got a torch and stood on his side of the room. Now Jeff, switch the torch on and shout ‘’go,’ and I will time how long it takes to see the light and the speed... Hold on, if you say ‘go,’ that’s speed of sound, and I would hear that after I’ve seen the light, so say ‘go’ slightly earlier, and you time how early you’ve… Oh, it’s a million miles an hour! I said a million billion… no one can tell! No one can run that fast! And mass… can you weigh the torch for the mass, please? Can you weigh it in a vacuum? Can you weigh it near a vacuum, then? You can weigh it near a vacuum cleaner, that’s great! 4.5 fluid ounces… And that is the energy in cat’s per squared ironing board… And so where are the batteries? Wallop, wallop, wallop…” Then you write it all in a project, and you put water on it, dry it off with a hairdryer and give it in. “It’s kind of blurry…” “Oh, it was the rain!”
Eddie Izzard - Definite Article

in daily apparations
we see them working it out
it is a lot to take the stares from everyone
everyone
every day anticipation
will make them both grow strong
and if the needle breaks their backs
then later on, later on
even when they're alone
it's hard to be connected
because when you get that close
it's easy to feel rejected
easy to lose control
easy to lose your grip on this dirt road
the ride is rough and we're on this dirt road
you can't think with just one kiss
it's a long, long way
it's a long, long way
it's a long, long way
to when you first met her

trip home this weekend was cool. machte viel Spass. I'm thinking I'm not going back until thanksgiving, though. I'm really enjoying this independence, and other college-related things, except maybe studying. Also realized that I eat a lot when I'm home - probably because the food there is free for me. but I did have a good time catching Macbeth. It was interpreted very... interestingly. Hmm. But good. And then between riding home with Knot's dad to get to O-Town, seeing Batman's parents at the play, talking on the phone with little Jihad, and then hanging out with Irish boy and Manzanita's little brother at the cast party after the show, it was like I was with my friends - just older and younger versions. Muy creepy. But definitely a good time.

glad to be back, though. Much to do in this new life of mine. A busy week ensues, full of midterms and meetings and chem labs and lectures. german midterm tomorrow. And don't forget Radiohead Fun on Thursday night. that's gonna be one tight laser show.

did I mention I made it into the small a capella group? I'm pumped. I just printed out the first song we're singing (it's a simple arrangement of Dust in the Wind). The other director took off for somewhere so we can't get ahold of any of the music we were supposed to be singing, but that means a shorter rehearsal, so yay, I guess. I'll probably be pretty tired by 7:30 pm tomorrow.

huskies won yesterday! woot! it's about frickin' time. now the question is, how bad is usc going to beat us next week? depressing thought, but realistic.

i got to watch my sister play basketball today at home. man she is getting tall and really starting to do well in sports - she's a fantastic volleyball player as well. I can't wait to watch her playing bball at CHS - just take the reigns and really drive that team to do well. She's got a lot of potential and she does so much stuff - top in her class and all that. she reminds me a lot of myself except pure as all get out. it's the six year age gap. go sweetheart!

brother the first went to oklahoma this weekend for prospective baseball opportunities. I hope it works for him to go out of state...either oklahoma or n. carolina. I think he'd really love it. not that I don't like it here... but a smaller school would be nice. I think I'm growing to like it here though, the school and the city. hope everyone else is doing well.

all around me are familar faces
worn out places, worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going nowhere, going nowhere
the tears are filling up their glasses
no expression, no expression
hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow, no tomorrow
and I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it's a very very mad world

Gary Jules - Mad World (from the Donnie Darko soundtrack)

left a message on AIM for most of the day today, explaining my crazy busy schedule. Got 10 messages back. WOW. it was really cool, and I'd tell you why, except that I am tired and must go to bed.

check this out. haha. Canada. yeeaaaah.

I'm joining Unleashed, an acapella group at the U, and everybody should totally listen to some of the recording snippets. Granted, they're not the best sound quality, but it gives you an idea of the repetoire. I'm also trying out for the small group on Friday.

Things to do tomorrow: chem homework, chem quiz, Haunted House debriefing, visit with 182 Dude, get ready to go home for a night this weekend. Speaking of which, I'm hoping to catch "the scottish play" this weekend. Irish boy, you wanna go? Wait, are you IN it? I didn't think so... anyway. I'll call you.

i can't get to sleep
i think about the implications
i've gotten in too deep
and possibly the complications
especially at night
i worry over situations
i know it'll be all right
perhaps it's just imagination

men at work - overkill

I hate the musical "The Newsies". just so there's no confusion. Jeezy creezy, whoever thought of that for a musical?

Should do more homework, I know! why am I blogging?

Tried out for really cool improv group today. If I don't make it (highly probable; lots of talent here), i'm gong to either form a new improv group or see how much interest there is in making a new a capella group. we did one activity involving music, and it seemed that there would be some decent people for pop a capella. and THAT will only be necessary if Unleashed sucks a fat one. Which it probably doesn't; just the recordings do.

it's a long way to when you first met her.

also learned to make paper cranes today. it was tizight, yo. I think I've made a grand total of 4, and am planning to make one before bed and see if I can send it through the mail to Batman.

tomorrow's my hardest day, as far as activities go. wish me luck.

night all.

I should come with a description attached to my forehead, or something. "Smart girl who still has trouble with self-image. Likes to knit, read, procrastinate, and discover things. Has trouble with transitions. Likes to be surrounded with people she knows, or at least recognizes. Obsessed with German but cannot figure out a way to make it relevant to her professional life; actually has no professional life to speak of. Enjoys acting, singing, and doing other artsy things but is only mediocre in all of them. Thinks she knows so much. Has much to learn."

Just add "enjoys long walks on the beach" and some crazy acronym like "WSF N/S", and you've got yourself a personal ad.

my friend assures me, "it's all or nothing"
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
my friend implores me, "for one time only, make an exception"
I am not worried
wrap her up in a package of lies, send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried, I am not overly concerned
with the status of my emotions though, she says they're changing
we're always changing
it does not bother me to say, "this isn't love
because if you don't want to talk about it then it isn't love
and I guess I'm gonna have to live with that
but I'm sure there's something in the shade of grey or something in between
and I can always change my name if that's what you need"
My friend assures me "it's all or nothing"
but I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned
you try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself to make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried
"If it's love" she says, "then we're gonna have to think about the consequences"
She can't stop shaking, I can't stop touching her and this time
when kindness falls like rain
it washes her away
and Anna begins to change her mind
"these seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days" she says
and I'm not ready for this sort of thing
but I'm not gonna break
and I'm not going to worry about it anymore
I'm not gonna bend. And I'm not gonna break and
I'm not gonna worry about it anymore
It seems like I should say "as long as this is love... "
but it's not all that easy so maybe I should just
snap her up in a butterfly net
pin her down on a photograph album
I am not worried
I've done this sort of thing before
but then I start to think about the consequences
because I don't get much sleep in a quiet room and this time
when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away
and Anna begins change my mind
and every time she sneezes I believe it's love
and oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing
she s talking in her sleep, it s keeping me awake
and Anna begins to toss and turn
and every word is nonsense but I understand and oh lord
I'm not ready for this sort of thing
her kindness bangs a gong, it's moving me along
and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away
she disappears
and oh lord
I'm not ready for this sort of thing

Counting Crows - Anna Begins

Interesting weekend. Lots of putzing around and not really doing much. Got my laundry done yesterday, so that was productive. Decided not to go to the football game, which from one perspective is stupid because I had already bought a ticket to it, but on the the other hand, it was rainy and cold, and we lost. To NEVADA. How sad is that?

Went to Value Village Friday afternoon, which was interesting in the sense that we spent about an hour total in travel just to get to Capitol Hill. Probably could have planned that trip better. My bad. But, on the bright side, we didn't have to pay for bus use due to the UPass, and I bought two shirts and two hats for a little over 7 dollars. Not bad, not bad. Sure do have to sift through a lot of junk to find the keepers, though.

Hokay, homework time. Really. I mean it this time. Soooo much chemistry to do.

I never thought you were a fool
but darlin' look at you
you gotta stand up straight
carry your own weight
these tears are going nowhere baby
you've got to get yourself together
you got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it
don't say that later will be better
now you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it

U2 - Stuck in a Moment

i took my love and i took it down
i climbed a mountain and i turned around
and i saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
and a landslide brought me down
oh mirror in the sky, what is love
can the child in my heart rise above
can i sail through the changing ocean tides?
can i handle the seasons of my life?
ooh ooh, i don't know
well i've been 'fraid of changing because i built my life around you
but time makes bolder, children get older
i'm getting older too

Fleetwood Mac - Landslide

Life throws you curveballs sometimes, doesn't it? Little change-ups that you're not quite sure how to react to.

But then, life sometimes takes it upon itself to hide a half-ton anvil inside the ball and try to peg you in the head with it.

That's what I feel like. Like my head has been slammed repeatedly by/against a large anvil. I feel like a sad person, like I don't amount to anything. Like I never will. No purpose. No anything. Where's my confidant? I demand a confidant. One with no biases, no premonitions, no judgemental attitudes. I guess this blog will serve. Listening to my every word, and not once offering advice of any kind.

Offering no words of comfort. It's a two way street that only people can travel. Everything else is stationary.

Honor! Respect! Love! Comraderie! Don't these things mean anything to you? Why have you forgotten? Why?

How will I ever forget?

It takes time, child. Your most precious commodity. It's the only currency accepted to treat this kind of wound. Give it time.

hahahahah!

Eli Whitney. Classic.

what did I do? watched friends, scrubs, and will and grace. ate the candy, talked online to people (much to my regret, in the case of one conversation), and listened to music. Didn't even redo and submit that last chemistry question like I had planned. Well done indeed, college girl.

on the other hand, my day had some highlights. Namely, two naked frat guys jumped into Drumheller fountain. as an added bonus, the Chem 142 class had JUST gotten out, so a whole lecture hall of people streamed out of the building and stopped to watch as a group of frat boys ran to a truck, unclothed the two boys, then ran off as soon as the poor souls were immersed. the boys had to run all the way back to their house without their clothes. hahahaha.

tomorrow is just German class. yeeah. good times.

time for bed. I've got to calm down.. just a bit pissed off at the moment. yeah, thanks.

even when they're alone it's hard to be connected
'cause when you get that close
it's easy to feel rejected
easy to lose control
easy to lost your grip on this dirt road

I have several options tonight. What will it be?

- go to the HUB (from whence I just came) and watch Jfrey and his buddy from Lander play pool;
-study;
-eat the candy I accumulated from CLUE;
-run to the IMA, work out, come back;
-plan out tomorrow's errand-running schedule;
-balance my bank account;
-go to bed;
-do laundry
-turn around and go to that pre-med meeting I meant to go to (I'd only be 45 minutes late);
-setup and play DDR on our in-room TV;
-apply for a paid year-long trip to Germany;
-clean my portion of the room;
-plan out next week's schedule;
-nothing/talk on AIM/listen to music.

What will it be? So many options.

College really does make one fat. We're going to have to reverse this process somehow.

I signed up for auditions for an improv group today. I'm excited and ready to get involved in something around here. Also exciting was my discovery of the existance of an a capella group on campus called "Unleashed". Unfortunately, they meet every Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of my chemistry lab. Maybe I can attend rehearsal every other week, since chem lab is only twice monthly. Or I might have to wait until next quarter. I'll talk to one of the leaders next week. AND I volunteered myself to be a character in a haunted house for kids. Ooh, Kyla the witch. An interesting prospect.

College is also mighty expensive. Who invented this?

Jungle life
You're far away from nowhere
It's all right
You won't miss home
Take a chance, leave everything behind you
Come and join me, won't be sorry
It's easy to survive

"Tarzan Boy" by an obscure band named Baltimora. It was in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III" and also featured in some Listerine commercials. There's your trivia for the day.

mmm blop blop mmm blop blop mm blop

The Oprah Show Theme

added link back into my AIM profile, so readership has the potential to increase. Write things in my new chatterbox... I'd be greatly obliged. Sorry if it hands you annoying popup stuff... if it's a problem, you can let me know via, oh, what was it again? Oh yeah. the CHATTERBOX.

Really need to study, as I am now realizing. First day of class, it was so clear... I knew exactly what I needed to do to totally succeed in my classes. Now, I'm a tad bit behind, cutting minor corners, but I'm also catching up socially. Just gotta join some sort of group, a capella or an IM, and I'll be set.

turns out I sleepwalk. Who'dve thunk it? I guess LilHusky (one of my roommates) accidentally let the alarm ring, and I got up to turn it off, and then she turned it off for me. Then I went back to bed. She just apologized for it about 10 minutes ago, and I said, "eh, no problem, didn't wake me up..." and she just looked at me with this expression of "what...?" Highly funny. Classic.

Okay. German essay to write. Shouldn't take too long, as it's only 150 words. Hardly an essay. Perhaps the German word that I think means "essay" really means "paragraph"...

Also a gen ed essay, which should also be minimal. "Write half a page on why you came to UW, why you're in honors, why dee dai dee la la la." Or close to that.

Not missing the family too much yet. I think Dad and Brother the First are coming up to visit tomorrow... some sort of recruiting trip, I believe. How nice of them to stop in and visit me on the way. Hopefully they will bring food. Yes... mmm food.

Last night, I submitted an online work request for our leaking sink (in our own bathroom in our dorm... aren't we lucky?), asking for it to be done in a week, and the plumber came TODAY and fixed it. If one thing is efficient around here, it's the repair service, god be praised. Our toilet, which was leaking a week ago, was also fixed promptly. Wasn't as overjoyed about that, because I had made a temporary solution involving a tube made out of duct tape that channeled the water into a waiting garbage can. My roommates thought I was brilliant. makes me happy when stuff like that happens... I'm useful! I'm also useful in telling my roommates what kind of connection we have here at the school ("is ethernet dial-up or LAN?).

yes, well, time to study. bliss.

and i think it's gonna be a long, long time
til touchdown brings me round again to find
i'm not the man you think I am at all
oh no no no
I'm a rocketman

Elton John - Rocketman

added the chatterbox. Hopefully that will be lots of fun. add to it, kids.

I love Dave Barry. Read today's article... great stuff.

Love you all.

This campus doesn't shrink. The only person I accidently run into is Dong. I don't know if I really miss home - it's more that I miss the feeling of familiarity. I miss walking down the street and knowing half the people I run into. I miss having friends. I guess I still have a few here, but it's not the same. Who said we have to grow up? Who said college was fun? For me it's the same amount of freedom, with less living space and fewer friends. Jeez. Why did I think that big city living would be for me? I hate it.

Eh well, it's only been a week. Not even. I'll give it some time.

Cake or death?
Ahh.. death please. No! I meant cake!
ahahh, you said "death" first!
Well, I meant cake!
ah, all right. You're lucky I'm the church of England.

I want to meet new people. Make some friends.

That's the thing. I try too hard. I'm overly nice, and then people I hang out with get the wrong impression about me, and then I don't find people I'm truly compatible with... shouldn't these things work themselves out naturally?

I think I'll start trying the friends thing again once classes start.

back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I try to forget you
I try to stay away
but it's too late
over you
I'm never over
over you
there's something about you
it's just the way you move
the way you move me

John Mayer - Back to You

So, I live in Seattle now. Not sure what to think of yet. Classes haven't started, but Fall Orientation is underway, and boy is it busy around here. It's about damn time I figured out what I want to do with my life. I'm sick of a lot of stuff, and I think having more of a plan would make things better.

I'm too tired to type, really. Another big day tomorrow... lots of walking and yelling and stuff.

You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

Peter from Office Space

One of the coolest things about the blog's creation is that our generation will have ENTIRE LIVES chronicled on the internet. Won't that be cool? You'll be able to see the first-hand accounts of a person as they first go to high school, go on their first date, get their first job, get married, get divorced, buy a house, have children... their entire life. We can read about a person who made a good decision, who screwed up, who lost somebody, who slowly gained a good friend... and learned from all of it. Now that will truly be cool.

Gotta go.

Almost done with work. Today and tomorrow. Not that I don't like my job; actually, I'm planning on coming back and doing it during winter break and next summer after Germany. I guess I'm just ready to go to school. It's gonna be a blast. More on that once I actually get there.

It's so close now. Just a few days away. The Western kids took off yesterday, which makes it all the more real. Gotta organize, gotta pack, gotta do everything.

Not much to this pointless ranting, and there's other things to do, like eat lunch. Laterz.

Oh, and as a side note: The divorce rate is actually .4% in America, not counting about 4 states that don't keep track of that stuff. Thanks, Barrel Maker.

I'm out.

Through this amazing, somewhat geeky invention of the blog, I have just read two different accounts on the same topic. One discusses the miracle that is love, and the other bemoans the pain of a love that must end. I have experienced both, and both frighten me. Where do you let go and fully allow another person to know you, to explore your soul, to love you? Can you ever completely let go? Will you ever able to expose every flaw, every failure, every weakness to that other person? And what happens after you do? Obviously not everything is "happily ever after": just look at the divorce rates in America.. what is it? 70%? More? The figures are atrocious. Those statistics reflect an enormous number of people: people who took a risk and loved, only to be hurt; people who sheltered themselves, and never truly opened up and allowed their partner to love them; people who let their marriages and their feelings for each other die away due to improper maintanance. And the relationships that never blossomed into marriage? Only more people whose hopes and dreams about love were dragged across the jagged rocks of betrayal, loss, and disillusionment.

These are broken hearts.

I want to love, when the time is right. I'm not old enough yet. I haven't done all that I want to in this world - travel, meet people, experience single life in all its underestimated glory. I may find my significant other in the next four years, or I may not. I may not even be mature enough to recognize it when I do meet that person. College is a time for self-development. I need to find myself. I don't want to date in my first year of college. I'm not ready for committment. I'm just trying to get my own shit together.

I'm scared to death.

how many years can a mountain exist
before it's washed to the sea?
how many years can some people exist
before they're allowed to be free?
how many times can a man turn his head
pretending he just doesn't see?
the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
the answer is blowin' in the wind

Bob Dylan-Blowin' in the Wind

I don't know if it's "fresher" or "more fresh", but whichever it is, that's what Sub Shop's bread is. In comparison to Subway's bread, I mean. But then, Meconi's beats them all, in freshness and in price.

My German exchange student came in yesterday. He is AWESOME. I don't know... maybe it's him, or maybe it's just the fact that we have a guest, but I am having the best time. He knows quite a bit of English, but he has a hard time forming sentences, so after a couple of times he usually switches to German, which pleases me to no end (although I know this is bad for him - he's supposed to be learning English... the total immersion thing, you know... I suppose I'd better start forcing him to speak only English). Last night he taught me and some of my friends a German card game... it was a lot like Nerts. Good fun. He's 6 foot 3 and skinny as all get out and just turned 15, so he's young but he doesn't look like it. I'm going to have a great time showing him around Oly.

Hmm, just used my last 5 minutes of lunch time to type about meinen deutschen Junge. S'pose I'd better get back to work.

loving you isn't the right thing to do
how can I ever change things that I feel

if I could, maybe I'd give you my world
How can I when you won't take it from me

you can go your own way
go your own way
you can call it another lonely day
you can go your own way

Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way

One thing I neglected to mention: it smells like Disneyland outside. Disturbing when your normal life begins to feel like a theme park.

At least it's a good theme park.

it's been awhile. That much closer to leaving for college. Counting down the days. Getting nervous. Yes. Will be quite exciting, though.

Let's see... what have I been up to? Got back from the random trip to L.A., wherein I visited Jihad's apartment and brought his little brother along for the ride. Lots of fun there, even if it was relatively short and pointless. Came back and laughed at my siblings who were forced into beginning another 9 months of compulsory education. The laugh went something like this:

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And even before all that, I had a frustrating time at the UW registering for classes, with a little bit of bubble tea and downtown Seattle fun mixed in. There's a place called WOW Bubble Tea on the Ave which I have already visited 3 times, and I DON'T EVEN GO TO SCHOOL in Seattle yet. Signs of an addict. But they have a punchcard! (I already have four down - six to go.)

Oh, and the Eddie Izzard show! (Which I insisted on calling "concert" - don't ask me why.) It was last Saturday evening and it was FANTASTIC. I'm vaguely aware that Eddie's comedy shows have gone slightly downhill since his smash hit "Dress to Kill", but you can't deny the fact that he is damn funny. Needless to say, I enjoyed it immensely, especially the part where we met Eddie after the show. He signed my ($10) poster and kissed me on the cheek (I asked for that in lieu of a picture, because I was dumb enough to forget to bring a camera). I was estatic. If he ever comes again, I will get closer seats and sure as hell bring a camera with me.

Spent the week cleaning the hell out of my room, hell being 2 bags of garbage, a box of Goodwill donation material, and a large amount of stuff to take with me to college. The room is looking good and ready for the German exchange student we're hosting for 3 weeks starting Sunday. I think he's got allergies, so that means I have some heavy vaccuuming and dusting left to do. And it has to happen before I leave for Pullman today.

What business do I have in Pullman, you may ask? Well, I'll tell you. (hahaha) Smitty and I are visiting about 5 of our friends at WSU. Should be a great road trip. Two days there, and then a trip back to SeaTac to pick up my German buddy.

Off now. Til later...

she's just a waste of my energy
and I'm just a waste of her time
so why don't we get together
and we could waste everything tonight

moreJack Johnson

I tried to write some "catch-yourself-up-with-my-life" mumbo jumbo earlier, but Jihad, being an idiot, ran in and typed on the keyboard until I got too frusterated to battle and closed the window. So it didn't post. Damn it. Short version follows:

*arrived in LA yesterday to visit Jihad and another friend from Capital.
*was excited.
*watched an acapella concert and watched the USC football game at sombody's apartment
*still am excited - plus having tons o' fun

alrighty, that should hold y'all over until my next post. laterz.

how many times must we go through this
you've always been my woman i though you this
we could end up broken hearted
we don't remember why all this started
and they try to tell you that love is timed
but there's no such thing as time
it's our time
it's our time
it's our time
Jack Johnson
and we say

sweet. Now I, too, have apologized to the cows.





You should do it too. DO IT! DO IT!

look at all those fancy clothes
but these can keep us warm just like those
and what about your soul? is it gold?
or is it straight from the mold and ready to be sold?
cars and phones and diamond rings
bling bling
but those are only removable things
and what about your mind? does it shine?
or are there other things more important than your time?

-from Jack Johnson's new CD, "On and On." Track 5 - Gone

okay, so it's a week and a half later. I still really want to go on another hike. Why did I wait until now to start hiking, when I grew up in one of the most beautiful hiking areas in the US (or even the world)?

And now I'm going to become a city girl.

Intimidating, it is. City life sounded like a whole lot of fun until I realized that while I enjoy day trips to Seattle, I think I prefer a quieter habitat for everyday living. Places closer to nature, with friendly faces and a lower crime rate. We'll see how I fare.

Babysitting for the Aussie kids was a hoot and a holler. I practically lived off of quesadillas and Lindor bon bons, while the four-year-old, by his own choice, survived on meals consisting mainly of hotdogs. It was fun though, making cookies and going to Burger King for lunch one day, and having Manzanita+bf and Jihad out after the kids were asleep - it was like having my own house. The pay was pretty good, too. Regardless, I was extremely happy to be able to hang out with people my age and not have all the responsibility of kids once I was done with the job. I swear, if I ever become a single mother... I don't know what I'll do. Hire a live-in nanny, probably. Or go crazy.

So life is fairly normal again. My quartet did our second and last wedding last Sunday, and our final gig is tonight. And there was much rejoicing. I'm back at work, although I've been taking off quite a bit of time - last Friday I took off at 11 AM to drive with Jihad to Port Townsend for a day trip, and yesterday I took the afternoon off to go boating with Batman and others. Good stuff. I'm feeling really independent, a feeling boosted by the fact that Dad's in Canada fishing and has left practically all important matters in my hands. (Basically, I'm paying for things like gas and football clearance fees and making a reimbursement list. Also trying to keep my brothers from throwing impromptu parties, although on that front I haven't been so successful.) Consequentially, I feel like I'm in college already, although in college I know I'll have a much smaller living space, no car, and classes to attend. Hmm. So I feel like right now I'm in a pretty good place. Happy, happy happy.

Jihad left this morning for school. Can't say I'm too upset about it yet. Gotta let it sink in. There's a lot of stuff that has yet to sink in to my brain. >WHOA< says brain

um< something just happened to my keyboard and I can't make punctuation marks and caps lock became default and holy bejeezus I need to lie down before lunch is over due to yesterday's skiing and tubing adventures. hey, there's my punctuation!

hallelujah!

It's quarter to 8 now and I have to leave for work but I'm really hoping that I'll have time today between work and quartet and babysitting for the next 3 days to tell you all about the awesome camping trip I just went on this weekend oh my god it was so much fun and I want to talk about it.

I usually don't use a whole lot of run-on sentences. Does it convey my excitement?

Laterz.

um, I miss my old blog. Not that I want it back.. I think it was too girly for my liking. Much better on this new template. But still, the nostalgia.

Brother the first is not home yet and I am worrying. He has the car. Not good.

hmm, well, have been thinking about a conversation that apparently I never had. indeed it does seem like something of a dream. I feel that it may have been embarrassing to the other conversationalist... I just hope this person knows that the subject was approached in an almost tactful manner, kinda like asking for permission first, and that is admirable. Also helped me come to a decision that I may not have made had I not had said conversation. Which is good. And so you see, all things happen for a reason.

Very excited for a hiking trip this weekend, seeing as how I've never ever been on one. Really surprised at Dad's lax attitude towards all of this.. a year ago I would never be allowed to hike the weekend away. he really doesn't care where I am or what time I'm home, for the most part. Can you imagine... this is what college will be like, but better. But also with less spending money.

I agree with what the 19 year old had to say in her livejournal. I'm not ready to part ways with many of my good friends. Why must this happen?

but as I said, everything happens for a reason.

And it's true.

I want bones like iron
and blood like mercury
so I can tell you when I'm rising
when I'm sinking in

dispatch - two coins

The solution to aforementioned problem boiled down to a two-minute cell phone conversation, with the person on other end around ears and thus saying nothing to avoid saying something incriminating. I fear that this solution is only temporary and not even that good. Funny that it was created to maintain both the status quo and my happiness factor. Just by the fact that I know I shouldn't be taking this course of action is obliterating that second goal. Sure, it might suffice these next few weeks, but what about long term?

Apart from that, swing dancing last night was a blast, and I saw some people I definitely was not expecting to see, as well as a few regulars with whom I was looking forward to catching up.

Lunch break is ending, and back to work I must go.

I don't want to mess with the HTMLing anymore. Just did a bit to make my blog look like less of a mess.

Must leave for a wedding gig soon. Must get ready, but also must pour out a little bit into this blog o' mine, because I feel ready to burst.

Asked a question yesterday to a friend, and not really expecting an answer, I got one and it shocked me. It made me rethink a lot of things; it upset me. I realized slowly that this large portion of my life, one that I thought would remain fairly constant, is now only a shadow of what it once was, all due to my misconceptions and lies to myself. I think I know what I need to do in regards to all of this, but I really, really would rather not - I have doubts as to whether I am strong enough a person for it. I guess I will continue to act as I normally would, but I'll keep in mind the truth instead of lying to myself and I'll see where that gets me - maybe the plan that I know I should follow will become the one that I want to follow.

I think that little vague paragraph helped some. Made me feel less likely to puke.

Wedding time.

screw that shizzle.

just one more time.

wow. I SUCK at this stuff.

click here and see if you get my tolo pic. If it does, it means I'm that much closer to learning HTML. Want some more Batman? try here.

well, if this isn't the most annoying blog layout you've ever seen in your life.

So I suck at HTMLing. Give me a break, it's my first shot at it.

At least my efforts in altering my blog made me rechannel my frustrations into something less damaging to worry about.

Tried to vent frustrations about life to a friend today. Either he did not want to listen or (more likely) I was not capable of communicating my greivances. I guess why this website is here, right?

What's the big fing deal with partying? Everyone thinks it to be so much damn fun, going out and getting drunk/stoned off your ass..

Shit. Dad's home. Gotta go to bed. More later..

Because this looked fun, I lifted it from the 19-year-old's blog. (what are we going to call her when she turns twenty? I know not.) Speaking of the 19 year old... how'd it go with you and Rowan and that whole colony thing?

ah well, now for the stolen game which I am sure will not go with my blog layout at all. But it will be fun.

Five details about you...
[x] I love to laugh
[x] I don't like to clean most of the time, but sometimes I go on cleaning rampages and it's frightening
[x] I'm bigger on music, less on movies
[x] I'm too goddamn overweight
[x] I have to play mind games with myself so that I'm comfortable enough to talk to some people

Five details about your appearance right now...
[x] parts of my hair are dyed red and fading fast
[x] my black pants have a small white stain on them
[x] I actually blowdryed my hair so it looks semi-decent today
[x] my complexion is doing 90 in the fast lane on the road to hell
[x] no makeup, save mascara

Five things you did today
[x] gave a lady an ultrasound on her shoulder
[x] sang along to "The Tango Maureen" from RENT in my car on the way to work
[x] ate a bean burrito and two peaches
[x] made a chart for a new patient
[x] took a shower

Five memorable things you did in the last year...
[x] prom
[x] graduated
[x] played my last year of basketball
[x] sang a duet with Rowan
[x] drove to Seattle two nights in a row for no reason

Five things that everyone should know about you...
[x] I will love you forever if you burn me a CD
[x] I'm always hungry, so give me food and i'll love you forever (again)
[x] I play violin, piano (sort of), and basketball
[x] I have a secret passion for theatre and improv comedy
[x] I knit

Five favorite groups... (today)
[x] coldplay
[x] dispatch
[x] grand funk railroad
[x] U2
[x] AC/DC

Five favorite songs... (today)
[x] jack johnson - Flake
[x] billy joel - my life
[x] radiohead - karma police
[x] duran duran - rio
[x] jason robert brown - I'd give it all for you

Five favorite movies... (today)
[x] bandits
[x] moulin rouge
[x] the usual suspects
[x] lord of the rings (the 2nd one)
[x] CHUD! (not really)

Five things that make you happy...
[x] happy juice
[x] when everybody gets along
[x] swing dancing
[x] an email written just for me
[x] german

Five people who mean a lot to you...
[x] my family (I know that's four, but what would I do if I listed them all out... it'd take up all my space)
[x] Manzanita
[x] Batman
[x] Jihad
[x] kaffygrl

Five things you can't live without...
[x] my buddies
[x] music
[x] food, esp. sugar
[x] exercise
[x] blogs :)


Five things you'll do when you complete this...
[x] take a short nap
[x] start a new file for another new patient
[x] work until five
[x] go to the valley
[x] go to IB campout #2

Five things you feel right now...
[x] tired
[x] sore
[x] dancy
[x] trapped (in an office)
[x] sated (that burrito was yummy)

hmm, yeah. Nap time.

UPDATE

Everybody should check out Dave Barry's blog and read his entry for July 13th. Afterwards, follow the instructions. I personally think this joke is HILARIOUS and it shows the enormous following that this blog has. If only our mortal blogs had such rabid fans... think of the power, the potential, the possibilities.

Last night was much like the evening prior, at least to start with... I went downtown, as I did Monday, but this time Batman and Tease and Asian were actually there. We went to Dumpster Values. All of the girls bought something cute and random (I found a $9 black dress, really pretty), and Batman, who was the one we were supposed to be shopping for, didn't buy anything. (although we did find a hot 2-tone velvet bowling shirt, extra small... it was pretty tight, literally.) Then there was Frisbee, and afterwards swimming at Kennydale. Things took a turn after that... Trojan lost his wallet, so we had to retrieve it from the lady who found it. Then we went to Denny's, Top Foods, Safeway, and ended up stargazing at this little secluded forest clearing. (We being J-Dawg and his friend, Trojan and his girlfriend, and me.) I need to stop getting in so late, though... I'm getting up too late and Dad is starting to get pissy about it.

Talked to Jihad on my lunch break for a bit. It was 10 PM in Barcelona and they (Jihad and Mini-Sheik) were prepping to go out for the night. Two brothers hitting the town together... how cute. They return in less than a fortnight. Shall be exciting.. that and the prospect of Mini-Sheik and I taking the older one back to college. Road trips rock.

anyway, lunch break is over, so I'd best get back to work. hope to see you all tonight at burfoot park at 6.

the following song has no real signifigance except that it is stuck in my head, thanks to 97.7:

oh we're halfway there
oh living on a prayer
take my hand
we'll make it I swear
oh living on a prayer

Bon Jovi - Living on a Prayer

oops, okay, just kidding. Both of those entries got posted. crazy. and apparently I spelled apparently wrong.
I'm getting back into the frisbee loop and I'm hoping it turns out to be a good thing. I mean, it's good because it's making me run around, something I don't always have a whole lot of time for nowadays, but then again I've been away from it so long that I suck. Can't catch, can't throw, can't play defense. It's amazing that they let me play. Eh well, I'll try again tonight.

I tried a papaya bubble tea beverage yesterday. God-awful. It was my first bubble tea from this particular institution, and I hope it was the flavor's fault that the drink was bad, because it's more convienient going to this place than the place in Seattle. I'll try a different flavor next time if the memory of the papaya drink doesn't drive me to hate bubble tea forever. That wasn't the only unusual thing I ate yesterday... the detox girls made a carrot-apple mash which was surprisingly good, so I had quite a bit via vicarious snacking. Later when I had people over, we made cookie dough, but without egg, so it was only good for eating and not baking. we had to add water so that it actually held together. nummers.

watched a silly movie called "C.H.U.D." last night with Batman and Prom Date. (Hmm, now that I've given her that nickname, people are going to be confused, because it will appear that Batman and Prom Date are the same people. I assure you, due to a weird joke, Prom Date is a girl.) C.H.U.D. stands for Cannabilistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers, so you can guess what the movie was like. It wasn't horrible for being a B-movie made in the early eighties. I fell asleep afterwards, and Batman took it upon himself to stick things on me and poke me a lot until I woke up. All I have to say is, HAHAHAHAHA. Very funny.

life is back to normal - the show is over with and Lakefair left. Nothing to do now but play more Frisbee, and hang out with buddies. Ah, good times.

why do people have to leave for college? this is horrible. At least we could all leave at the same time. That's partially why I wanted to go to Early Fall Start at UW - so I wouldn't have to hang around with most of my friends gone off to college already. Dammit.

More rants later. Must go eat. After all, I am on my lunch break.

apparantly that last post didn't work.

testing, testing, 1, 2, 3.

I don't know if he still reads this blog, but for the barrel-making boy who was wondering who was screaming his name Saturday afternoon... one of them was me.
And for the rest of you... it was the Lakefair parade, okay? Jeez, some people... :)

I was gonna type in some lyrics from Babes in Arms, but it turns out the lyrics all suck. It's just the music that's good. Pleasant for me, then, that I've got the music running through my head sans lyrics.

came across this quote today:

A living language is like a man suffering incessantly from small haemorrhages, and what it needs above all else is constant transactions of new blood from other tongues. The day the gates go up, that day it begins to die. -H.L. Mencken, writer, editor, and critic (1880-1956)

France, you'd better take note. This WILL happen to your language.
haha, that reminds me of those drug commercials... you know, "This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs." It'd be fitting (and hilarious) if somebody formatted that to France. "This is a normal language. And this.... This is French." Fantastic.

Show ends today. I have mixed feelings about it. I've grown accustomed to the music, and it's fun to play, but I'll also be glad to have my weekend evenings back. All in all it hasn't been a bad deal. There's one girl there that I enjoy playing with. She's good at playing all the high notes, and I've got rhythm, so... between the two of us, we play a pretty good show. We're both going off to college, and even though she's one strange cookie, I'll miss her.

La, la la. I'd like to write more, but my car needs cleaning and it's already 5:20. Laterz.


warning signs
I missed the good part and I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

come on in
I've got to tell you what a state I'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
that I started looking for a warning sign

Well the truth is
I miss you
yeah the truth is
that I miss you so

warning sign
come back to haunt me and I realized
that you were an island and I passed you by
you were an island to discover

come on in
I've got to tell you what a state I'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
I started looking for excuses

when the truth is
that I miss you
yeah the truth is
that I miss you so

and I'm tired
I should not have let you go

so I crawl back into your arms
yes I crawl back into your arms
and I crawl back into your arms
yes I crawl back into your arms

Coldplay - Warning Sign

we open Babes.. tonight. Thus, I must leave soon. Doesn't really seem like a Thursday night tonight, since I didn't go to work today. I was given the day off, and said I'd be in to work for 3 hours, and then I slept in and didn't go. Ah well, when your employer is your father, you're allowed to slack off once in a while.

Tonight I'm going to Lakefair after the show - good fun will be had by all. I'm especially anticipating what the Barrel Maker refers to as "nummy food". And for once I have money with which to buy it.

Watched "Pirates of the Caribbean" today with an old friend. 'Twas weird, since I don't think he wants to remain 'just friends', and so the movie was a little awkward. The 2 1/2 hour length didn't help either. AND I bought his ticket in exchange for what I later learned to be a tape of the show "FAME", the Capital Playhouse version. Hmm. Feeling used, and rightly so.

Ooh, very hungry, and I don't think the director's jelly beans will quite hit the spot. Off I go to eat, change into black clothing (god forbid! it's 80 degrees out!), and play a fantastic (?) show.

they call us Babes in Arms
but we are babes in armor

you now have a sample of what will be running through MY head for the next 2 hours. And the sad thing is, those two lines represent every lyric of the show that I know.

DUDE!

My archives are BACK! WOOOHOOOO!

K, spelled "Marguerite" wrong in that last post. Honestly, now.
What have I been up to in the last few days? Nothing much. Working some more. Freaking out at the realization that the weddings my quartet is playing for in August are suddenly not all the far away, and that we need to start rehearsing NOW. (Okay, Sunday at 11 AM.) Ideally, this next week should be filled with half-exciting Lakefair fun, but since I am a moron it is in fact filled with performances of Babes in Arms, with me sitting down in the orchestra pit and occasionally playing in the correct key. I keep having to remind myself that I am doing this to "give back to the community." It's a much better outlook on it than "my God, why am I here? I hate this..."

Speaking of "my God," I read an amusing little tidbit today in Reader's Digest. (Yes, yes, I read it all the time... I especially enjoy tearing out the drug ads that take up every other two pages and looking at how empty the magazine looks afterwards. Advertising for old folks. Merh.) It said that a Writing 101 class at Harvard asked students to write a concise essay including religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The only A+ in the class went to the following paper: " 'My God,' said the Queen, 'I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it.' "

HAHAAHHAAAAAAA!

More proof that I'm going insane. I missed an Ultimate Frisbee game today because I overslept during my nap. And you know WHY I overslept? Because I stay up way too late at night doing stupid things like blogging. Please refer to today's (Tuesday the 15th) Dilbert comic to understand this concept of self-inflicted dilemnas.

I have no lyrics for today, because usually I type out the song that is in my head, but the song that is floating around in there today is from Babes in Arms, and I only know the violin part. Probably has words, but since I don't know them... tough luck for you.

Night all!

This test brought to you by Blakeney Manor.

Find out:Which Scarlet Pimpernel character are you?



Yes, that's right, I'm Margurite

Hey! I'm still alive! How about that?
In addition to continuing to breathe, I got my IB scores back. Sixes in everything except for math and English, and those received 5's, so I guess I can't complain. I was expecting English and German to be bumped up a level, but hey, I'm happy. Credits at UW? I think so.

you can set my truck on fire and roll it down a hill
and I still wouldn't trade it for a coupe d'ville
I got an 8-foot bed that never has to be made
you know if it weren't for trucks we wouldn't have tail gates
I met all my wives in traffic jams
there's just something women like about a pickup man...

Joe Diffie - Pickup Man

DAAAAAARG! NO ARCHIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To hell with it all.

Sweet. New Blogger. Not that this post will be any different from the other hundreds of thousands of bloggers who will post for the first time on new.blogger.com. Anyway.
I'm hoping that this new site carries over my old template, because I thought it was quite lovely, even if it did only take up half of the screen. Waste of web space, yes, I know, but isn't that what the whole thing is in the first place?
For some reason, my internet is acting funny at home, so I've taken to writing at my dad's office. Only at times when I'm not getting paid, though, like now, when it's 5:10 and I'm waiting for Dad to finish up so I can go home and sleep. Sooo tired.
In fact, I think I'll just take the car and come get him later. Right then, catch ya all later. Luvs.

and I tried to believe it
It was better without you
I was better alone..
no
I'd give it all for you
I'd give it all for you by my side once more
oh
I'd give it all for you
I'd give it cause the mountains I climb grow higher and higher
I'm flying through air, I'm walking through fire
and dreams just don't come true
but now there's you
Jason Robert Brown - I'd Give It All for You

just decided a short while ago that the love of my life is, in fact, James Frain.

The above comment was made in the full realization that the publishing of any comments with actual meaning and importance might be sacrificed. I can only type so much when I'm exhasted. Goodnight, all.

it's about one moment
the moment before it all becomes clear
and in that one moment
you start to believe that there's nothing to fear
it's about one second
and just when you're on the verge of success
the sky starts to change
and the wind starts to blow
and oh, you're suddenly a stranger
there's no explaining where you'll stand
and you didn't know that you sometimes have to go
around an unexpected bend
and the road will end
in a new world

Jason Robert Brown - Opening to A New World

You know what doesn't have quite the same ring to it? "Our Friend the Barrel Maker-isms." Nope, just doesn't work. Frusterifying.

How can I express what I have experienced these last 12 hours. Only half a day and I have participated in a graduation ceremony and an awesome grad night trip. So many pictures were taken, but that's nothing in comparison to the great memories. Things I don't think I'll ever be able to forget:
- The Scrub thanking TyOsh's mother for her lunches - and about 50 people agreeing.
- Batman dancing in his crazy way and singing "Move, bitch, get out the way," a song that he had just learned that moment (not that it's hard to learn or anything... it's just that Batman doesn't usually know "popular" music).
- All of us doing the "UDub" dance to nearly every song.
- Dodgy kneeling and singing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" with me.
- TyOsh playing the piano beautifully.
- Princess being totally hypnotized and cuddling up to Dodgy when she thought he was Batman, and being so freaked out when she realized who she was snuggling with ("I have no idea who that guy is").
- Singing Beatles songs on the bus.
- Watching Davies stare at his car for a long time after he got off the bus. Just standing, and staring, and finally reaching out to touch it. ("How does this thing work? I've forgotten.")
- The following conversation which transpired shortly after returning to the school:
Manzanita's dad: "What planet are you from?"
Batman (looking zoned out): "I'm from Venus."
Manzanita and I: "That's the girls' planet!"
Batman, after a short pause: "Oh yeah... I'm from Mars."
Batman, after another pause: "Have you guys seen my car?" (It was parked right next to where we unboarded - he had to walk past it to talk to us).

This night and Prom rival each other for the best night this spring, and I think grad night wins out because 1. better food and 2. more time awake... actually lots of reasons. We went on a boat, with dancing and piano playing and gambling and a buffet, all the way from Tacoma to Seattle. Then we went to a Family FunPlex, where Manzanita and I played DDR to our heart's content, breaking only for round of laser tag and later for the hypnotist show (and then only because they pulled the plug in the middle of our game). In the midst of it all, we sang, laughed, danced, hugged... all the things you'd expect from a group of people about to separate for the last time. No more "have a nice summer, see you in the fall" type stuff... it's really goodbye. Finally it's hitting me - the immense sadness of it all. It didn't even worry me at commencement - I was too worried about missing my IB cord and not getting pegged by a beach ball, and trying to convince myself that the Dr. Seuss speech wasn't all that bad.
I think I'm done blogging for today. Yeah, my internal clock is off, so I guess I might blog later today after I sleep a while, but I won't consider it to be the same day as now... making no sense am I? Uh huh. Awright, must take brothers to school so I can have the truck for the day. Sayonara.

I need you
before I'm too old
to have and to hold
to walk with you and watch you grow
and know that you're blessed

Elton John - You'll be Blessed

went looking through my blog archives, and I think the idiots lost about two month's worth of my files. Not that it really matters, but I do like to go back and look at what I was thinking/feeling back in those times, and remember what was happening. It's good to see how I was dealing with the major issues in my life, and to see if they were really that major since I now know the outcome. Helps me to put things in perspective once in a while.
On second thought, I should not have called the blogger people idiots. They'll probably render my blog inaccessible.
Last night really did go well, for all of you who might care. I mean, I'm not usually exposed to that kind of scene, so as far as I can tell.. it was okay. I just can't see doing that kind of stuff every night though. Once in a while is fine, but wow. I need my down time. And when I think about it, it's only fun because it's 1. a change of pace and 2. kinda "bad girl"-esque. It's that mix of something different and something risky that produces the fun. Doing it more often only takes away from those qualities, thus ruining the fun. Am I overanalyzing this? Survey says: yes.
Done with high school. I don't even want to talk about it yet, just because right now it doesn't seem momentous. Just seems like I've completed some big nasty chore and I'm glad to be washing my hands clean of it. Maybe at graduation I'll start feeling the love more. Being sad at the thought of being parted from my classmates, and such.

my oh my you know it just don't stop
it's in my mind I wanna tear it up
trying to fight it trying to turn it off
but it's not enough
it takes a lot of love it takes a lot of love my friend
to keep your heart from freezing
to push on to the end

David Grey - My Oh My

IB campout last night. Seriously funny stuff. I had a good time, and other people did too, I thought. I'm going to go take a nap in a bit.
We are done with high school. What a relief. AWESOME.
Gotta go now, but I guess I'll blog some more later.

won't you look down upon me jesus
you gotta help me make a stand
just gotta see me through another day
my body's aching and my time is at hand
I won't make it any other way

I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
but I always thought that I'd see you again

James Taylor - Fire and Rain

ugh... I'm so frustrated right now.
why do things not happen at the time they're supposed to? why do I feel like my emotions are being sucked into a big empty black hole?
Time moves slowly inside of a black hole. If I could suspend time... maybe I could get my feelings back and enjoy these last few moments of high school.
Instead I am counting the days until graduation, when I will finally be free. I want a change of surroundings. New people, new places, new situations. Here, I'm so predictable, and so is everybody else. No one is new or exciting, especially me. What the hell happened to the magic that filled my earlier days... even a few years ago it was still there. I wanted to meet new people, reach out and be that friendly face. Everyone is so faded now.
Yearbooks come tomorrow and I don't want to write in them. Not yet. I don't have anything to say. "It's been a great four years! Have a great summer! Oh, and the rest of your life, too!" Doesn't fit.
I really feel like swearing, but earlier comments from parental unit this evening give me reason to believe that he reads my blog, or at least has heard/read my swearing before and strongly disapproves. Not like he doesn't do it on occasion. Apparently it's okay if you do it when you're mad, but in normal conversation it's not acceptable. Well, this isn't normal conversation, but I"m going to restrain myself anyway. Just imagine that this text is littered with a smattering of four-letter words.
They're only bad if you assign a bad connotation to them.

I was officially the worst girls' javelin thrower at the 4A state track meet. Bah. I'm pretty pleased with 16th in state, though, even though I don't like the events that gave me that place and not a higher one.
Calculus can bite me. I'm so done. Why I must learn to integrate horrible, horrible equations that make no sense is beyond me.
On a lighter note, I'm partially excited about Prom. A little put out by the fact that Batman has decided to spray paint a suit silver just to be cool and cheap. Whatever. It's too late in the game to care anymore. Very excited about all the grad parties, even though they seem to all be taking place within the same week. Bad timing, kids.
Much homework still to be done, and I'm tired. Night all.

I remember when
you and me
ooh how we used to be
just good friends
wouldn't give me none
but all I wanted was some..
she's got a whole lot of reasons
she can't think of a single one that can justify leaving
and he's got none but he thinks he got so many problems
and he's got too much time to waste
his dreams are like commercials
but her dreams are picture perfect
and dreams are so related though they're often underestimated

Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes