I want to be more. This longing cannot be ignored, yet I proceed in doing just that every day. There has to be some way

to break free

to get out

to find life

I just haven't unlocked the secret yet.

Who knows when the yearning will end? I have a feeling that when you stop yearning, you stop living.

This post probably makes no sense. I make no sense right now, even to myself. Physically and mentally, its been a weird day. My hair is completely straight. I can't look people in the eye in a conversation. One moment I feel great, and the next I want to throw up. I want to talk to everyone. My legs feel weak. I need to document my life in pictures, now, before these moments slip away. I'm suddenly dizzy. Little things strike me, like the sharp angles of somebody's face or the way people carry their groceries. I'm hungry but I can't eat anything. I have a huge sense of foreboding for no good reason. I'm staring at people, expressionless, on the bus. I feel horribly ugly and beautiful at once.

What is wrong with me?


A Seattle team finally makes it big, and I'm not living there this year. Darn it!

Oh well. I was in Vienna last weekend!! I'll write more about that in a bit. Right now, I gotta make it to the bakery before they close. And get some fizzy water. Mmm, fizzy water.