17.9.03

Through this amazing, somewhat geeky invention of the blog, I have just read two different accounts on the same topic. One discusses the miracle that is love, and the other bemoans the pain of a love that must end. I have experienced both, and both frighten me. Where do you let go and fully allow another person to know you, to explore your soul, to love you? Can you ever completely let go? Will you ever able to expose every flaw, every failure, every weakness to that other person? And what happens after you do? Obviously not everything is "happily ever after": just look at the divorce rates in America.. what is it? 70%? More? The figures are atrocious. Those statistics reflect an enormous number of people: people who took a risk and loved, only to be hurt; people who sheltered themselves, and never truly opened up and allowed their partner to love them; people who let their marriages and their feelings for each other die away due to improper maintanance. And the relationships that never blossomed into marriage? Only more people whose hopes and dreams about love were dragged across the jagged rocks of betrayal, loss, and disillusionment.

These are broken hearts.

I want to love, when the time is right. I'm not old enough yet. I haven't done all that I want to in this world - travel, meet people, experience single life in all its underestimated glory. I may find my significant other in the next four years, or I may not. I may not even be mature enough to recognize it when I do meet that person. College is a time for self-development. I need to find myself. I don't want to date in my first year of college. I'm not ready for committment. I'm just trying to get my own shit together.

I'm scared to death.

how many years can a mountain exist
before it's washed to the sea?
how many years can some people exist
before they're allowed to be free?
how many times can a man turn his head
pretending he just doesn't see?
the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
the answer is blowin' in the wind


Bob Dylan-Blowin' in the Wind

16.9.03

I don't know if it's "fresher" or "more fresh", but whichever it is, that's what Sub Shop's bread is. In comparison to Subway's bread, I mean. But then, Meconi's beats them all, in freshness and in price.

My German exchange student came in yesterday. He is AWESOME. I don't know... maybe it's him, or maybe it's just the fact that we have a guest, but I am having the best time. He knows quite a bit of English, but he has a hard time forming sentences, so after a couple of times he usually switches to German, which pleases me to no end (although I know this is bad for him - he's supposed to be learning English... the total immersion thing, you know... I suppose I'd better start forcing him to speak only English). Last night he taught me and some of my friends a German card game... it was a lot like Nerts. Good fun. He's 6 foot 3 and skinny as all get out and just turned 15, so he's young but he doesn't look like it. I'm going to have a great time showing him around Oly.

Hmm, just used my last 5 minutes of lunch time to type about meinen deutschen Junge. S'pose I'd better get back to work.

loving you isn't the right thing to do
how can I ever change things that I feel

if I could, maybe I'd give you my world
How can I when you won't take it from me

you can go your own way
go your own way
you can call it another lonely day
you can go your own way


Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way