spent a considerable amount of time updating myself on my friends' blogs.
Had a busy day today, what with the talent show tryouts, and school, and pre-school workout, and math study group. Surprisingly, I'm not tired. Spent a lot of time tonight reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis and talking on the phone with the knot. Now I'm on the computer and probably won't go to bed for another 30 minutes, though I should have been asleep a long time ago.
Don't know where to go and what to do. Seems like I've got some of the bigger stuff figured out (e.g, where I'm going to school next fall) but a lot of the smaller, more trivial things are slowing me down. Shouldn't matter, since I'm going to be gone in 5 months anyway, right? But there's smaller decisions, and algebra, and stuff.
Funny how I used to be so sure of myself. Subsequent re-evaluations have led to less self-confidence and more questions. Questioning everything.... morals, relationships, the nature of love, religion, human interaction.
Speaking of the last subject at hand... I'm just now realizing what consequences my actions have - not on me but on other people. I used to think that I was so insignificant as to not effect change in anybody through interacting with them. Now, I see that while this is true for a majority of people, the few that I do matter to can be pretty affected even just by a little action on my part - a missed comment or lack of a reaction, stuff like that. I don't know if it's my responsibility to change that so I don't hurt people's feelings or make them think that I don't like them. It's a fine line between being normal and being lazy and insensitive. Don't want to be fake.
On a different aspect of topic of above paragraph: people don't intentionally rip people's hearts out. You hear of people being intentionally cruel and playing lovegames just to get satisfaction out of hurting another human being. I just want to say that in most cases the person doing the damage really didn't mean to beat the victim's feeling into the ground with a rubber truncheon. She looks guilty, and many people will blame her for it, but really she just didn't know what she was doing. Not that she shouldn't be blamed, because in part it was her fault, but there are other circumstances which lead up to the final solution. It's just the culmination of a struggle where we are all trying to find what love is and how to handle situations with which we are faced. Unfortunately, some of us make choices which turn out to be wrong or ill-advised.
Of course, I've got 3 people in mind here. More, if you count the casualties. Don't know exactly what I'm trying to say, but there's some of it anyway.
Going to bed now... must function well for calc test tomorrow and track meet Saturday in far-off city (the armpit of WA, as one loyal reader calls it). Prepared to take a week off from everything - school, algebra, various other responsibilities - and have some good old-fashioned fun during Spring Break.

Tonight's music (which has been on repeat and I haven't bothered to turn it off or change the song):
Lady Madonna - Beatles

Currently, I am having fun sending random pictures and sound files over AIM to people I know. Okay, not so random... Tolo pics and classical concertos, which are good for studying. The music, I mean... not so much the pics.
This will indeed prove to be the biggest blog entry about nothing. they're all about nothing, I suppose, but this one is short and has no substance whatsoever. After reading it, you will have no idea as to what mood I'm in... whether I'm happy or sad, frusterated or enlightened, energetic or depressed.
Tough luck for you.
Time to go do situps.

Music: Bachianas Brasiliaras

realized i had a double-post from about a week ago. Have since deleted one of the two said posts. Sorry 'bout that.

so, I made the second-biggest mistake of my life today. Specifically, I convinced my family that we should have Thai on the one day this month that we get to eat out. Sounded good in theory. The flaws: We ordered a family meal, so we got a bunch of food that none of us necessarily liked. Flaw #2 was when Brother #1 told the waitress that we wanted our food "medium" spicy, a level which can be murder on the inexperienced taste bud. Despite my warnings ("you won't like it!"), all our food came to us at this spicyness. Consequentially, Sister and Brother #2 (who usually eats anything put in front of him and then some) refused to eat. The latter of the two commenced whining about how many pizzas we could have bought with the money we spent, and made sarcastic comments about the spiciness. Blamed it on Brother #1. Said he'd rather go to Emperor's Palace.
Oh well, more Thai food for me. I enjoyed it. My family did not. All of us had cleared sinuses.
Needless to say, my family will never again trust me when it comes to taste in food. We'll probably have to follow the whims of Brother #2, who chose a cheap Chinese buffet in Tacoma for his birthday dinner. Definitely a quantity over quality type of guy, which bugs me a little. I've labelled him as such to his face but I don't think he really gets it.
Now I understand why I eat out with my friends. More culture. But going with the family means I don't have to pay.

The following excerpt from Dave Barry's blog made me laugh. Hard.

STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE OCEAN

This thing probably has relatives.
posted by Dave 11:15 AM

If you want more, you can get it here. Fun links to things such as Mullet Haiku, which I have quoted in my AIM profile.
Aren't you guys proud of how I finally figured out how to insert hyperlinks? Everybody clap.
The variables which complicate equations are indeed what makes math fubar. Fucking variables.
I'm dreading telling RF that Jihad took RENT with him to school. He'll probably read this before I get a chance to tell him anyway. Oh well, I could always buy the music, or maybe we'll sing something from "Into the Woods" as originally planned. I was practicing the other song though - about ten times on the way to symphony rehearsal this evening. such fantastic harmony.
CougFest would have been lots better had it been advertised. There were plenty of products, which surprised me, but unfortunately not a lot of people came.
Am feeling fat and unhealthy. Must go to the Valley more and eat less junk food.
Had a weird talk with Jihad about relationships tonight. We each talked about the things we are going through at the moment with current love interests... it's hard to describe. Pulling away from him has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it seems to be working, because there were no crazy pangs of jealously or strange alienating remarks tonight... we were oddly straightforward with each other about each other's lives.
Why am I up so late? I know not. Mostly because of some CDs that this damn computer is taking forever to burn.
Trying to extend the weekend and failing miserably. Spring break in a week, yo. Totally looking forward. Gotta get through this week first, though. And then it's a week without school, but also without Manzanita and Batman. It will be a bit sad.

take a shower, shine your shoes
you've got no time to lose
you're a young man, you must be livin'
go now, you are forgiven

dispatch - the general