spent a considerable amount of time updating myself on my friends' blogs.
Had a busy day today, what with the talent show tryouts, and school, and pre-school workout, and math study group. Surprisingly, I'm not tired. Spent a lot of time tonight reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis and talking on the phone with the knot. Now I'm on the computer and probably won't go to bed for another 30 minutes, though I should have been asleep a long time ago.
Don't know where to go and what to do. Seems like I've got some of the bigger stuff figured out (e.g, where I'm going to school next fall) but a lot of the smaller, more trivial things are slowing me down. Shouldn't matter, since I'm going to be gone in 5 months anyway, right? But there's smaller decisions, and algebra, and stuff.
Funny how I used to be so sure of myself. Subsequent re-evaluations have led to less self-confidence and more questions. Questioning everything.... morals, relationships, the nature of love, religion, human interaction.
Speaking of the last subject at hand... I'm just now realizing what consequences my actions have - not on me but on other people. I used to think that I was so insignificant as to not effect change in anybody through interacting with them. Now, I see that while this is true for a majority of people, the few that I do matter to can be pretty affected even just by a little action on my part - a missed comment or lack of a reaction, stuff like that. I don't know if it's my responsibility to change that so I don't hurt people's feelings or make them think that I don't like them. It's a fine line between being normal and being lazy and insensitive. Don't want to be fake.
On a different aspect of topic of above paragraph: people don't intentionally rip people's hearts out. You hear of people being intentionally cruel and playing lovegames just to get satisfaction out of hurting another human being. I just want to say that in most cases the person doing the damage really didn't mean to beat the victim's feeling into the ground with a rubber truncheon. She looks guilty, and many people will blame her for it, but really she just didn't know what she was doing. Not that she shouldn't be blamed, because in part it was her fault, but there are other circumstances which lead up to the final solution. It's just the culmination of a struggle where we are all trying to find what love is and how to handle situations with which we are faced. Unfortunately, some of us make choices which turn out to be wrong or ill-advised.
Of course, I've got 3 people in mind here. More, if you count the casualties. Don't know exactly what I'm trying to say, but there's some of it anyway.
Going to bed now... must function well for calc test tomorrow and track meet Saturday in far-off city (the armpit of WA, as one loyal reader calls it). Prepared to take a week off from everything - school, algebra, various other responsibilities - and have some good old-fashioned fun during Spring Break.

Tonight's music (which has been on repeat and I haven't bothered to turn it off or change the song):
Lady Madonna - Beatles