people change
change like you
i got all the time in the world
people cry
all the time
cry like me
we've got all the time in the world

Rockapella - People Change
bloggy is acting funny...
The pope is dead. Music is hard to write. I'm going to dinner with my dad and my brother tonight.

These are the facts of life. Life goes on.


April Fool's?

You decide.


I knew this was going to turn out to be a bad day.
Today pisses me off.

There are a number of things today, many of which are beyond my control, and a few that aren't, that make me upset.

It pisses me off that the HUB Reservation desk girl, Katie, was demeaning and uncaring today when I called their office. They sent me an email saying that the time and room I specified in my reservation request was unavailable. I called to verify this, and to ask if there was any other room at the same time that we could have. She said she'd check but that I should have reserved earlier, which is true. But is that a constructive comment at this point? Please, honey, do your job and help me out. Customer service.

I'm mad that I'm stuck in this office until 5. But it's not really that bad; I'd probably just be sleeping otherwise, and sleep does not earn me money. So that one's okay.

I'm angry that I do get enough sleep at night, almost 8 hours a night this week, and for some reason I'm still tired during the day. If it weren't for my habitual caffeine intake, I'd probably fall asleep during my lecture classes.

I'm upset that I can't see my favorite person in the whole world right now, because he's across the Atlantic.

I'm upset that Andy is treating Ashley like dirt, and she won't do anything to stop it. I know exactly where she's coming from, too, because I went through that sort of thing with Javod - the more we discuss it, the more the similarities are really, really eerie. We spent lunch lamenting over why girls like us are attracted to jerks like that. (disclaimer: they're good friends, these types of guys. They just sucks at building relationships.) To expand the scope, I'm pissed off that things like this happen in the world, especially to great people like Ashley. I'm also a little mad that she won't do what she knows she should do - break it off. But I'm keenly aware of how hard that can be. So my rage is directed primarily at Andy.

I'm mad that UW cares so little about whether its students make it into the classes they need or not. Idiots!

These things all unbalance the things that were making me happy before today:
-new classes (esp. German instead of math!)
-a new and improved o-chem professor
-the little packet I got from the Languths, my German exchange family, which included recordings from Claus's band "Justin Thyme" and a whole bunch of Die Aerzte stuff
-Justin's party coming up this Friday
-Alki Beach trip for ex-Haggett people on the 9th
-going to see Dane Cook's Tourgasm next Monday night
-THE SHINS CONCERT at Hec Ed (tickets go on sale Monday)

Ooh, just compiling that list makes me feel better.

now you're back in DC
I'm in Los Angeles again
the cold wind hits you like a spade
and the spotlight here is not my friend
but I believe
sometimes there's a need for separation
and I can say
I need to find another way
to keep me lighted up

Gabriel Mann - Lighted Up (have I quoted this one already?)


L.A. this last week was a blast. I got to visit Batman and Tito at the Claremont colleges, see the Bodyworlds 2 exhibit at the Cailfornia ScienCenter, catch up with Jihad and Trojan Boy at USC, experience a star sighting by sitting the next table over from Robert Patrick at Benihana Restaurant, enjoy a wonderful home-cooked Easter meal, meet Jeff's Valley friends, eat at In and Out Burger, and of course, cruise the streets of L.A. with Jeff in his '92 Camero. It was quite the spring break.

Now I'm back, and it doesn't feel like a new quarter at all, aside from the switching math out for German again. it's as if I never left. Almost.

His side of the room is clean. I visited his ex-roommate today, just to see what it was like. Maybe even to help me break the habit of stopping by the 5th floor every time I come up the stairs. Safeer had expanded his stuff to fill the room, lowered his own bed, and moved the empty set of furniture around so the bed was against the other wall. It's clear that the room belongs to one person now.

Tell me what I'm supposed to do now. Please? It's that time of the day, the time when I should be doing homework, but instead I go and visit. What do I visit now? Whom?

I remember a time when I could be separated from you and not even be affected. Do you remember those days? While we were in separate cities, whole days passed without us missing each other. We admitted it to each other, even laughed about it. It was one of our reasons.
Now, I go through my daily routine, and it's like a sliver in my finger, a pebble in my shoe. A constant nagging, a pain that won't go away. I don't know how to make it go away.

I should have known that this wouldn't go without consequence. Every earthquake has an aftershock, every splash its waves, every noise its haunting, reverberating echo. Did you try, too, to make it a small thing? To lessen the inevitable after-effects? But that's the thing that didn't hit home until after the fact: the size is irrelevant. The mere existence of those consequences - aye, there's the rub.

Were we right for each other? No, not even close. Did we want something else, something true? Of course we did. but who's to say that what we had was false? In retrospect, it may be the most honest thing I've experienced since I began college. We never deluded ourselves for a moment. Because of that, we were free to be as honest as possible. No mincing words to save feelings, no worries about whether someone was more committed, or more in love.

The hole I never knew I had is starting to show.

I miss you.