i took my love and i took it down
i climbed a mountain and i turned around
and i saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
and a landslide brought me down
oh mirror in the sky, what is love
can the child in my heart rise above
can i sail through the changing ocean tides?
can i handle the seasons of my life?
ooh ooh, i don't know
well i've been 'fraid of changing because i built my life around you
but time makes bolder, children get older
i'm getting older too

Fleetwood Mac - Landslide

Life throws you curveballs sometimes, doesn't it? Little change-ups that you're not quite sure how to react to.

But then, life sometimes takes it upon itself to hide a half-ton anvil inside the ball and try to peg you in the head with it.

That's what I feel like. Like my head has been slammed repeatedly by/against a large anvil. I feel like a sad person, like I don't amount to anything. Like I never will. No purpose. No anything. Where's my confidant? I demand a confidant. One with no biases, no premonitions, no judgemental attitudes. I guess this blog will serve. Listening to my every word, and not once offering advice of any kind.

Offering no words of comfort. It's a two way street that only people can travel. Everything else is stationary.

Honor! Respect! Love! Comraderie! Don't these things mean anything to you? Why have you forgotten? Why?

How will I ever forget?

It takes time, child. Your most precious commodity. It's the only currency accepted to treat this kind of wound. Give it time.

hahahahah!

Eli Whitney. Classic.

what did I do? watched friends, scrubs, and will and grace. ate the candy, talked online to people (much to my regret, in the case of one conversation), and listened to music. Didn't even redo and submit that last chemistry question like I had planned. Well done indeed, college girl.

on the other hand, my day had some highlights. Namely, two naked frat guys jumped into Drumheller fountain. as an added bonus, the Chem 142 class had JUST gotten out, so a whole lecture hall of people streamed out of the building and stopped to watch as a group of frat boys ran to a truck, unclothed the two boys, then ran off as soon as the poor souls were immersed. the boys had to run all the way back to their house without their clothes. hahahaha.

tomorrow is just German class. yeeah. good times.

time for bed. I've got to calm down.. just a bit pissed off at the moment. yeah, thanks.

even when they're alone it's hard to be connected
'cause when you get that close
it's easy to feel rejected
easy to lose control
easy to lost your grip on this dirt road

I have several options tonight. What will it be?

- go to the HUB (from whence I just came) and watch Jfrey and his buddy from Lander play pool;
-study;
-eat the candy I accumulated from CLUE;
-run to the IMA, work out, come back;
-plan out tomorrow's errand-running schedule;
-balance my bank account;
-go to bed;
-do laundry
-turn around and go to that pre-med meeting I meant to go to (I'd only be 45 minutes late);
-setup and play DDR on our in-room TV;
-apply for a paid year-long trip to Germany;
-clean my portion of the room;
-plan out next week's schedule;
-nothing/talk on AIM/listen to music.

What will it be? So many options.

College really does make one fat. We're going to have to reverse this process somehow.

I signed up for auditions for an improv group today. I'm excited and ready to get involved in something around here. Also exciting was my discovery of the existance of an a capella group on campus called "Unleashed". Unfortunately, they meet every Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of my chemistry lab. Maybe I can attend rehearsal every other week, since chem lab is only twice monthly. Or I might have to wait until next quarter. I'll talk to one of the leaders next week. AND I volunteered myself to be a character in a haunted house for kids. Ooh, Kyla the witch. An interesting prospect.

College is also mighty expensive. Who invented this?

Jungle life
You're far away from nowhere
It's all right
You won't miss home
Take a chance, leave everything behind you
Come and join me, won't be sorry
It's easy to survive

"Tarzan Boy" by an obscure band named Baltimora. It was in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III" and also featured in some Listerine commercials. There's your trivia for the day.

mmm blop blop mmm blop blop mm blop

The Oprah Show Theme

added link back into my AIM profile, so readership has the potential to increase. Write things in my new chatterbox... I'd be greatly obliged. Sorry if it hands you annoying popup stuff... if it's a problem, you can let me know via, oh, what was it again? Oh yeah. the CHATTERBOX.

Really need to study, as I am now realizing. First day of class, it was so clear... I knew exactly what I needed to do to totally succeed in my classes. Now, I'm a tad bit behind, cutting minor corners, but I'm also catching up socially. Just gotta join some sort of group, a capella or an IM, and I'll be set.

turns out I sleepwalk. Who'dve thunk it? I guess LilHusky (one of my roommates) accidentally let the alarm ring, and I got up to turn it off, and then she turned it off for me. Then I went back to bed. She just apologized for it about 10 minutes ago, and I said, "eh, no problem, didn't wake me up..." and she just looked at me with this expression of "what...?" Highly funny. Classic.

Okay. German essay to write. Shouldn't take too long, as it's only 150 words. Hardly an essay. Perhaps the German word that I think means "essay" really means "paragraph"...

Also a gen ed essay, which should also be minimal. "Write half a page on why you came to UW, why you're in honors, why dee dai dee la la la." Or close to that.

Not missing the family too much yet. I think Dad and Brother the First are coming up to visit tomorrow... some sort of recruiting trip, I believe. How nice of them to stop in and visit me on the way. Hopefully they will bring food. Yes... mmm food.

Last night, I submitted an online work request for our leaking sink (in our own bathroom in our dorm... aren't we lucky?), asking for it to be done in a week, and the plumber came TODAY and fixed it. If one thing is efficient around here, it's the repair service, god be praised. Our toilet, which was leaking a week ago, was also fixed promptly. Wasn't as overjoyed about that, because I had made a temporary solution involving a tube made out of duct tape that channeled the water into a waiting garbage can. My roommates thought I was brilliant. makes me happy when stuff like that happens... I'm useful! I'm also useful in telling my roommates what kind of connection we have here at the school ("is ethernet dial-up or LAN?).

yes, well, time to study. bliss.

and i think it's gonna be a long, long time
til touchdown brings me round again to find
i'm not the man you think I am at all
oh no no no
I'm a rocketman

Elton John - Rocketman

added the chatterbox. Hopefully that will be lots of fun. add to it, kids.

I love Dave Barry. Read today's article... great stuff.

Love you all.

This campus doesn't shrink. The only person I accidently run into is Dong. I don't know if I really miss home - it's more that I miss the feeling of familiarity. I miss walking down the street and knowing half the people I run into. I miss having friends. I guess I still have a few here, but it's not the same. Who said we have to grow up? Who said college was fun? For me it's the same amount of freedom, with less living space and fewer friends. Jeez. Why did I think that big city living would be for me? I hate it.

Eh well, it's only been a week. Not even. I'll give it some time.

Cake or death?
Ahh.. death please. No! I meant cake!
ahahh, you said "death" first!
Well, I meant cake!
ah, all right. You're lucky I'm the church of England.

I want to meet new people. Make some friends.

That's the thing. I try too hard. I'm overly nice, and then people I hang out with get the wrong impression about me, and then I don't find people I'm truly compatible with... shouldn't these things work themselves out naturally?

I think I'll start trying the friends thing again once classes start.

back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I try to forget you
I try to stay away
but it's too late
over you
I'm never over
over you
there's something about you
it's just the way you move
the way you move me

John Mayer - Back to You

So, I live in Seattle now. Not sure what to think of yet. Classes haven't started, but Fall Orientation is underway, and boy is it busy around here. It's about damn time I figured out what I want to do with my life. I'm sick of a lot of stuff, and I think having more of a plan would make things better.

I'm too tired to type, really. Another big day tomorrow... lots of walking and yelling and stuff.

You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

Peter from Office Space

One of the coolest things about the blog's creation is that our generation will have ENTIRE LIVES chronicled on the internet. Won't that be cool? You'll be able to see the first-hand accounts of a person as they first go to high school, go on their first date, get their first job, get married, get divorced, buy a house, have children... their entire life. We can read about a person who made a good decision, who screwed up, who lost somebody, who slowly gained a good friend... and learned from all of it. Now that will truly be cool.

Gotta go.

Almost done with work. Today and tomorrow. Not that I don't like my job; actually, I'm planning on coming back and doing it during winter break and next summer after Germany. I guess I'm just ready to go to school. It's gonna be a blast. More on that once I actually get there.

It's so close now. Just a few days away. The Western kids took off yesterday, which makes it all the more real. Gotta organize, gotta pack, gotta do everything.

Not much to this pointless ranting, and there's other things to do, like eat lunch. Laterz.

Oh, and as a side note: The divorce rate is actually .4% in America, not counting about 4 states that don't keep track of that stuff. Thanks, Barrel Maker.

I'm out.

Through this amazing, somewhat geeky invention of the blog, I have just read two different accounts on the same topic. One discusses the miracle that is love, and the other bemoans the pain of a love that must end. I have experienced both, and both frighten me. Where do you let go and fully allow another person to know you, to explore your soul, to love you? Can you ever completely let go? Will you ever able to expose every flaw, every failure, every weakness to that other person? And what happens after you do? Obviously not everything is "happily ever after": just look at the divorce rates in America.. what is it? 70%? More? The figures are atrocious. Those statistics reflect an enormous number of people: people who took a risk and loved, only to be hurt; people who sheltered themselves, and never truly opened up and allowed their partner to love them; people who let their marriages and their feelings for each other die away due to improper maintanance. And the relationships that never blossomed into marriage? Only more people whose hopes and dreams about love were dragged across the jagged rocks of betrayal, loss, and disillusionment.

These are broken hearts.

I want to love, when the time is right. I'm not old enough yet. I haven't done all that I want to in this world - travel, meet people, experience single life in all its underestimated glory. I may find my significant other in the next four years, or I may not. I may not even be mature enough to recognize it when I do meet that person. College is a time for self-development. I need to find myself. I don't want to date in my first year of college. I'm not ready for committment. I'm just trying to get my own shit together.

I'm scared to death.

how many years can a mountain exist
before it's washed to the sea?
how many years can some people exist
before they're allowed to be free?
how many times can a man turn his head
pretending he just doesn't see?
the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
the answer is blowin' in the wind

Bob Dylan-Blowin' in the Wind