Now's the time. It's 11:30 pm, I don't feel like doing anything. I want to just go to bed.
That's where you come in. ready to just chill out and talk until I fall asleep for 10 minutes and then wake up thinking that no time has passed. That's what I would like to do right now.
I guess I lied when I said I don't feel like doing anything.
9.4.05
i'm wondering if i can't just be who i think i am. maybe the person i think i am is not really who i am. who am i?
many times i do things just because i think people will find it more pleasant, or more attractive. this is dumb. but it's also necessary to function in society. so what's the more important contributor to overall happiness? accepting yourself, or adjusting your behavior so society accepts you too?
i talked to many different people at andy's tonight, many of whom i did not know before i got there. I swear, i was different with each new conversation. i smiled a lot more during some, i made eye contact more often during others. my voice got higher or lower depending on the other person's energy. In one, we talked about evolution as an event facilitated by an intelligent omniscient being, and in the other we talked about the O.C. and i refrained from making any sort of witty comment. overall, i hardly disagreed with any statement made. there was a lot of grinning, a lot of nodding.
what is wrong with me?
many times i do things just because i think people will find it more pleasant, or more attractive. this is dumb. but it's also necessary to function in society. so what's the more important contributor to overall happiness? accepting yourself, or adjusting your behavior so society accepts you too?
i talked to many different people at andy's tonight, many of whom i did not know before i got there. I swear, i was different with each new conversation. i smiled a lot more during some, i made eye contact more often during others. my voice got higher or lower depending on the other person's energy. In one, we talked about evolution as an event facilitated by an intelligent omniscient being, and in the other we talked about the O.C. and i refrained from making any sort of witty comment. overall, i hardly disagreed with any statement made. there was a lot of grinning, a lot of nodding.
what is wrong with me?
7.4.05
oh noes!!
Somebody has figured out that our dryers in mccarty give us 80 minutes if you push the button twice in rapid succession. now they are down to 60. (at least the one I was using tonight.) THE HORROR.
My roommate and I went to the orientation for working at Teen Feed, the local homeless youth dinner program. It was called Homelessness 101. I think we were both impressed with how much we learned about being on the streets. I mean, much of it was obvious, like horrible home lives, drug abuse, mental problems, rebellion, rejection - all of those things. But then again, a few things I never thought of. For instance, the issue with getting an ID. I mean, if you lose your ID or get it stolen, and you have no proof of who you are, there are all these complications that arise. You can't get a job, a loan, sign a lease, open a bank account, or even be admitted to a majority of shelters, due to the BECCA bill. It can take 6 to 10 months to get all the documentation necessary to get the state to furnish you with an ID card. And after that - trying to get a job when you have little idea what day it even is, or you have to bring in your bag with all you own in it with you, or you haven't showered for a while (at least not since you and your friends scraped together enough money to sleep in a Motel 6 room for a night, quite the luxury).
There's also a video, "Kids on the Ave". It's quite a good documentary from 1996. Check it out, all of you.
Next post, I will talk about the awesome Dane Cook show that I saw on Monday night.
back to the laundry.
Somebody has figured out that our dryers in mccarty give us 80 minutes if you push the button twice in rapid succession. now they are down to 60. (at least the one I was using tonight.) THE HORROR.
My roommate and I went to the orientation for working at Teen Feed, the local homeless youth dinner program. It was called Homelessness 101. I think we were both impressed with how much we learned about being on the streets. I mean, much of it was obvious, like horrible home lives, drug abuse, mental problems, rebellion, rejection - all of those things. But then again, a few things I never thought of. For instance, the issue with getting an ID. I mean, if you lose your ID or get it stolen, and you have no proof of who you are, there are all these complications that arise. You can't get a job, a loan, sign a lease, open a bank account, or even be admitted to a majority of shelters, due to the BECCA bill. It can take 6 to 10 months to get all the documentation necessary to get the state to furnish you with an ID card. And after that - trying to get a job when you have little idea what day it even is, or you have to bring in your bag with all you own in it with you, or you haven't showered for a while (at least not since you and your friends scraped together enough money to sleep in a Motel 6 room for a night, quite the luxury).
There's also a video, "Kids on the Ave". It's quite a good documentary from 1996. Check it out, all of you.
Next post, I will talk about the awesome Dane Cook show that I saw on Monday night.
back to the laundry.
3.4.05
Shins tickets go on sale tomorrow. BUY THEM. They are only $15, or so I've been told.
Does anyone else like the show Arrested Development? I don't. but then again, I only saw it once. Maybe I didn't give it a fighting chance.
I called Jeff last night at 3 AM, which was cool because it was noon over in Germany. It was good to talk to him and catch up on what's happened since we last talked on Wednesday before he flew out. It was also nice to hear him speak German before he got to the telephone - I hadn't heard much German from his lips before and it makes me more confident that he will do well in school there. However, I did hear from his dad that his mom overheard him not using "please" and not using the formal form of "you" when addressing strangers. So Jeff, when you read this (and I know you will): bitte siezten Sie. :)
Okay, it's back to the homework. Some bio reading, some German homework. But always lots and lots of fun. Right?
Does anyone else like the show Arrested Development? I don't. but then again, I only saw it once. Maybe I didn't give it a fighting chance.
I called Jeff last night at 3 AM, which was cool because it was noon over in Germany. It was good to talk to him and catch up on what's happened since we last talked on Wednesday before he flew out. It was also nice to hear him speak German before he got to the telephone - I hadn't heard much German from his lips before and it makes me more confident that he will do well in school there. However, I did hear from his dad that his mom overheard him not using "please" and not using the formal form of "you" when addressing strangers. So Jeff, when you read this (and I know you will): bitte siezten Sie. :)
Okay, it's back to the homework. Some bio reading, some German homework. But always lots and lots of fun. Right?
2.4.05
1.4.05
31.3.05
Today pisses me off.
There are a number of things today, many of which are beyond my control, and a few that aren't, that make me upset.
It pisses me off that the HUB Reservation desk girl, Katie, was demeaning and uncaring today when I called their office. They sent me an email saying that the time and room I specified in my reservation request was unavailable. I called to verify this, and to ask if there was any other room at the same time that we could have. She said she'd check but that I should have reserved earlier, which is true. But is that a constructive comment at this point? Please, honey, do your job and help me out. Customer service.
I'm mad that I'm stuck in this office until 5. But it's not really that bad; I'd probably just be sleeping otherwise, and sleep does not earn me money. So that one's okay.
I'm angry that I do get enough sleep at night, almost 8 hours a night this week, and for some reason I'm still tired during the day. If it weren't for my habitual caffeine intake, I'd probably fall asleep during my lecture classes.
I'm upset that I can't see my favorite person in the whole world right now, because he's across the Atlantic.
I'm upset that Andy is treating Ashley like dirt, and she won't do anything to stop it. I know exactly where she's coming from, too, because I went through that sort of thing with Javod - the more we discuss it, the more the similarities are really, really eerie. We spent lunch lamenting over why girls like us are attracted to jerks like that. (disclaimer: they're good friends, these types of guys. They just sucks at building relationships.) To expand the scope, I'm pissed off that things like this happen in the world, especially to great people like Ashley. I'm also a little mad that she won't do what she knows she should do - break it off. But I'm keenly aware of how hard that can be. So my rage is directed primarily at Andy.
I'm mad that UW cares so little about whether its students make it into the classes they need or not. Idiots!
These things all unbalance the things that were making me happy before today:
-new classes (esp. German instead of math!)
-a new and improved o-chem professor
-the little packet I got from the Languths, my German exchange family, which included recordings from Claus's band "Justin Thyme" and a whole bunch of Die Aerzte stuff
-Justin's party coming up this Friday
-Alki Beach trip for ex-Haggett people on the 9th
-going to see Dane Cook's Tourgasm next Monday night
-THE SHINS CONCERT at Hec Ed (tickets go on sale Monday)
Ooh, just compiling that list makes me feel better.
now you're back in DC
I'm in Los Angeles again
the cold wind hits you like a spade
and the spotlight here is not my friend
but I believe
sometimes there's a need for separation
and I can say
I need to find another way
to keep me lighted up
Gabriel Mann - Lighted Up (have I quoted this one already?)
There are a number of things today, many of which are beyond my control, and a few that aren't, that make me upset.
It pisses me off that the HUB Reservation desk girl, Katie, was demeaning and uncaring today when I called their office. They sent me an email saying that the time and room I specified in my reservation request was unavailable. I called to verify this, and to ask if there was any other room at the same time that we could have. She said she'd check but that I should have reserved earlier, which is true. But is that a constructive comment at this point? Please, honey, do your job and help me out. Customer service.
I'm mad that I'm stuck in this office until 5. But it's not really that bad; I'd probably just be sleeping otherwise, and sleep does not earn me money. So that one's okay.
I'm angry that I do get enough sleep at night, almost 8 hours a night this week, and for some reason I'm still tired during the day. If it weren't for my habitual caffeine intake, I'd probably fall asleep during my lecture classes.
I'm upset that I can't see my favorite person in the whole world right now, because he's across the Atlantic.
I'm upset that Andy is treating Ashley like dirt, and she won't do anything to stop it. I know exactly where she's coming from, too, because I went through that sort of thing with Javod - the more we discuss it, the more the similarities are really, really eerie. We spent lunch lamenting over why girls like us are attracted to jerks like that. (disclaimer: they're good friends, these types of guys. They just sucks at building relationships.) To expand the scope, I'm pissed off that things like this happen in the world, especially to great people like Ashley. I'm also a little mad that she won't do what she knows she should do - break it off. But I'm keenly aware of how hard that can be. So my rage is directed primarily at Andy.
I'm mad that UW cares so little about whether its students make it into the classes they need or not. Idiots!
These things all unbalance the things that were making me happy before today:
-new classes (esp. German instead of math!)
-a new and improved o-chem professor
-the little packet I got from the Languths, my German exchange family, which included recordings from Claus's band "Justin Thyme" and a whole bunch of Die Aerzte stuff
-Justin's party coming up this Friday
-Alki Beach trip for ex-Haggett people on the 9th
-going to see Dane Cook's Tourgasm next Monday night
-THE SHINS CONCERT at Hec Ed (tickets go on sale Monday)
Ooh, just compiling that list makes me feel better.
now you're back in DC
I'm in Los Angeles again
the cold wind hits you like a spade
and the spotlight here is not my friend
but I believe
sometimes there's a need for separation
and I can say
I need to find another way
to keep me lighted up
Gabriel Mann - Lighted Up (have I quoted this one already?)
28.3.05
L.A. this last week was a blast. I got to visit Batman and Tito at the Claremont colleges, see the Bodyworlds 2 exhibit at the Cailfornia ScienCenter, catch up with Jihad and Trojan Boy at USC, experience a star sighting by sitting the next table over from Robert Patrick at Benihana Restaurant, enjoy a wonderful home-cooked Easter meal, meet Jeff's Valley friends, eat at In and Out Burger, and of course, cruise the streets of L.A. with Jeff in his '92 Camero. It was quite the spring break.
Now I'm back, and it doesn't feel like a new quarter at all, aside from the switching math out for German again. it's as if I never left. Almost.
His side of the room is clean. I visited his ex-roommate today, just to see what it was like. Maybe even to help me break the habit of stopping by the 5th floor every time I come up the stairs. Safeer had expanded his stuff to fill the room, lowered his own bed, and moved the empty set of furniture around so the bed was against the other wall. It's clear that the room belongs to one person now.
Tell me what I'm supposed to do now. Please? It's that time of the day, the time when I should be doing homework, but instead I go and visit. What do I visit now? Whom?
I remember a time when I could be separated from you and not even be affected. Do you remember those days? While we were in separate cities, whole days passed without us missing each other. We admitted it to each other, even laughed about it. It was one of our reasons.
Now, I go through my daily routine, and it's like a sliver in my finger, a pebble in my shoe. A constant nagging, a pain that won't go away. I don't know how to make it go away.
I should have known that this wouldn't go without consequence. Every earthquake has an aftershock, every splash its waves, every noise its haunting, reverberating echo. Did you try, too, to make it a small thing? To lessen the inevitable after-effects? But that's the thing that didn't hit home until after the fact: the size is irrelevant. The mere existence of those consequences - aye, there's the rub.
Were we right for each other? No, not even close. Did we want something else, something true? Of course we did. but who's to say that what we had was false? In retrospect, it may be the most honest thing I've experienced since I began college. We never deluded ourselves for a moment. Because of that, we were free to be as honest as possible. No mincing words to save feelings, no worries about whether someone was more committed, or more in love.
The hole I never knew I had is starting to show.
I miss you.
Now I'm back, and it doesn't feel like a new quarter at all, aside from the switching math out for German again. it's as if I never left. Almost.
His side of the room is clean. I visited his ex-roommate today, just to see what it was like. Maybe even to help me break the habit of stopping by the 5th floor every time I come up the stairs. Safeer had expanded his stuff to fill the room, lowered his own bed, and moved the empty set of furniture around so the bed was against the other wall. It's clear that the room belongs to one person now.
Tell me what I'm supposed to do now. Please? It's that time of the day, the time when I should be doing homework, but instead I go and visit. What do I visit now? Whom?
I remember a time when I could be separated from you and not even be affected. Do you remember those days? While we were in separate cities, whole days passed without us missing each other. We admitted it to each other, even laughed about it. It was one of our reasons.
Now, I go through my daily routine, and it's like a sliver in my finger, a pebble in my shoe. A constant nagging, a pain that won't go away. I don't know how to make it go away.
I should have known that this wouldn't go without consequence. Every earthquake has an aftershock, every splash its waves, every noise its haunting, reverberating echo. Did you try, too, to make it a small thing? To lessen the inevitable after-effects? But that's the thing that didn't hit home until after the fact: the size is irrelevant. The mere existence of those consequences - aye, there's the rub.
Were we right for each other? No, not even close. Did we want something else, something true? Of course we did. but who's to say that what we had was false? In retrospect, it may be the most honest thing I've experienced since I began college. We never deluded ourselves for a moment. Because of that, we were free to be as honest as possible. No mincing words to save feelings, no worries about whether someone was more committed, or more in love.
The hole I never knew I had is starting to show.
I miss you.
18.3.05
finals are over, and I can breathe freely again. problem is, there's not a whole lot to do around here. I think I'm going to try and get up early Sunday, and go explore somewhere. Ballard, Queen Anne, anything. Something.
Jeff moves out tonight, checks out tomorrow, and is gone Sunday. Next quarter will be weird without him. At least I get to visit him in LA starting Tuesday.
Tonight will be my very first viewing of "The Incredibles". I am, needless to say, very excited.
Well, it's time for dinner with Andrea at her place of employment, Delfino's Pizzaria.
oh, AND THE SHINS ARE COMING TO HEC ED TO PLAY A CONCERT! May 13. Mark your calendars...
Unknown quotients, you must be using potions
how else could you tie my head to the sky
this new confection has left me wondering why
i can't concern myself with ordinary tries
what's this morning's paper got to say
and what brand of coffee to make
this is no umbrella to take into the wind
but before we begin
is there nothing to kill this entirely?
I will get to hear that LIVE.
Jeff moves out tonight, checks out tomorrow, and is gone Sunday. Next quarter will be weird without him. At least I get to visit him in LA starting Tuesday.
Tonight will be my very first viewing of "The Incredibles". I am, needless to say, very excited.
Well, it's time for dinner with Andrea at her place of employment, Delfino's Pizzaria.
oh, AND THE SHINS ARE COMING TO HEC ED TO PLAY A CONCERT! May 13. Mark your calendars...
Unknown quotients, you must be using potions
how else could you tie my head to the sky
this new confection has left me wondering why
i can't concern myself with ordinary tries
what's this morning's paper got to say
and what brand of coffee to make
this is no umbrella to take into the wind
but before we begin
is there nothing to kill this entirely?
I will get to hear that LIVE.
14.3.05
7.3.05
holy goodness, I leave for just one weekend, I come back and the quad is beautiful. The trees decided that it was time to become amazingly stunning and they are full with blossoms. Does this mean it's spring? Or, in the words of Jeff, "that's the way it always is. You go away for a little while, and suddenly everything becomes beautiful."
Also, I'm a bad procrastinator today, and it's all due to Penny Arcade. Thanks a bunch, my good web comic friend. (these two strips together are the best, btw, first this and then this. high-larious.)
And that's all I got. On to the homework.
Also, I'm a bad procrastinator today, and it's all due to Penny Arcade. Thanks a bunch, my good web comic friend. (these two strips together are the best, btw, first this and then this. high-larious.)
And that's all I got. On to the homework.
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