aha. Finally the blog lets me in to post... none of that [The system cannot find the file specified] scheisse. Not that I have much to post. I just finished typing up this story for the patron's writing contest, and I want people to read it, so maybe i'll post it here at a later date. it's short but pretty long for a blog so I guess I'll only do it if it's in demand. It should be because I think it's a good story and it deserves more than just to be read by the judges of the contest. I guess 50 bucks would make up for that, too.
Excited for tomorrow: ArtWalk, Dinner, Morp. Also very tired of typing, so I'll go to bed now. more updates later I suppose.

p.s. as a warning, my o button has been semi-stuck for a while now. When i get to words containing two o's, the key sometimes just runs like this: foooool. So, if I get lazy and stop deleting the extra o's... you'll know why.

there's too many people you used to know
they see you coming, they see you go
they know your secrets, you know theirs
this town is crazy, nobody cares
...I'm tired of fighting, fighting for a lost cause

thank you Beck

like, total whoa. The Scrub let me drive his Saturn from study group to my house yesterday, and it's a stick shift. it was quite the experience... I only killed it, hmm, let's see, 7 or 8 times? I'd love to watch Batman learn how to drive a stick... it would be amusing. that's all the news for now cuz I'm at school and because of the wacked-out schedule I have to go to orchestra now instead of two hours ago. peace.

were you there? No? I didn't think so. I don't care if you talk about it as long as you don't try to pretend you were there, because you weren't.

goddam knot.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
but stay awhile and baby then you'll see
a different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
but soon enough you're going to think of me
and how I used to be

Old e-mails open the floodgates of nostalgia, and all the half-dead memories come rushing back into living, breathing existence. Hard to imagine that I really felt this way all the time only a year ago. I remember - my feelings remember - and I wonder, how the hell did I get myself into all of that? ... so attached, so involved, and at the same time so alone. At least now I'm at a point where I know I can walk away from it. Just walk away. Heh...perspective is a wonderful thing.
Funny how I'm so willing to accept the facades that my friends put on, when I know, have known, that much more lies beneath, and that my cheerful, funny comrades are in fact more than "a little unwell." I tend to think of my younger self as a more innocent, more oblivious girl. Looking at these emails reminds me just how grown-up I've had to be. I've been that way for many years, it seems, and there's just more ahead. What happened to the carefree childhood days?
We're on the verge of life - standing on the edge of the cliff with hangliders, waiting for the perfect breeze to carry us away, one by one. Sucks that the preparation had to be the confusing, troubling teenage years.
On a lighter note, I should have sent some of my homemade cookies home with the Scrub and the Barrelmaker. They're just sitting here, and I keep eating them. Time to go to the gym, or perhaps help with some housework.
Homework? What homework?

Today's lyrics brought to you courtesty of Matchbox Twenty.

have I proved yet just how much I need to get a life?
No? Okay.


Legolas


Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

*dusting off hands* That should do it.

almost forgot... Friday Five!
1. Who is your favorite celebrity?
Not into celebs all that much, but I guess Harrison Ford would be right up there at the top of the list. He's just so... cute. I think something needs to be done about the colossal age difference between us, but other than that... yeah.
2. Who is your least favorite?
Again... I don't think I do enough research to have a least favorite. If I did, it would probably be somebody who did something despicable... somebody like R. Kelly.
3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?
Nope. Sad life, eh?
4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?
I could stand for 'mildly famous', that is, to be quoted or cited for my research or something. Being insanely famous would mean a lack of privacy and loss of normal life.
5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?
Dave Barry. Writing humor columns? Hell yeah. Or maybe Eddie Izzard, if he were on tour, because I'd love to have that kind of talent. Okay, so I'm a big fan of comedy.

Came across a random site today that was rather odd, but one of the stories did include luncheon meat truncheons.
.....
Yeah, that was my reaction, too. You can check it out at your own risk, although I regret including a link to a site with such revolting sexual innuendos.
So bored today. Went to the gym already. I suppose I could clean house, but I've been supposing that for a few hours now. Am wondering how my truck would look if I washed and waxed it. Actually doing that would be another thing altogether.
Hell, I might as well go and do one of the two aforementioned activities, because otherwise I will just sit here, surf the web, and eat. No good.

out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstacy
but I'll be a bag of bones
driving down the road alone
my heart is drenched in white
you'll be on my mind forever
Something has to make you run
don't know why I didn't come
feel as empty as a drum
don't know why i didn't come

Norah Jones, Don't Know Why

I'm back!
Got back yesterday. we had a fantastic time... managed to stay out of trouble. Narrowly. Anyway, so my brother is out on a date, except I think he missed the showtime. I'll check once Dad gets off the phone... yep. Turns out Brother #1 got lost on the way to his date's house, and they're gonna have to catch an ever later showtime of Anger Management. That kid should not be allowed to drive.
Speaking of Anger Management, Mini-Sheik wants me to watch it with him when he gets back from his road trip. And Manzanita, who is currently in Southern California, might go see it with Jihad. How's that for irony?
I miss Manzanita and Batman. They need to come home right now, dammit.
So, fun game to be played tonight. Something about running around and trying to get downtown without people in cars finding you. Sounds like Grand Theft Auto 3 without the guns and killing. Also, if all goes well, no police. And no stealing cars.
Okay, bad analogy.

The quote that I wanted to include in Monday's post was from Cheers... couldn't find it anywhere on the 'net. So... I'll pretend I have it. It was from Cliff, and he was talking about Big Boy's, and how he's so vulnerable because everyone knows what he looks like. Denny's knows what they're doing, because no one has ever seen Denny. Then he ends it by saying, "Did I just say that out loud?"
...It would probably be funnier if I had the quote.
Gotta go work on convincing Dad that running around at midnight will be safe. And that I'll be home at a reasonable hour. Like that'll work.

currently addicted to dispatch's the general

I'm going on a roadtrip!!! yay! Should be good fun - I've never been out of state with just my friends before.
Funny what you dream up to do when your closest friends are out of town.
Sucks that I started Spring Break off with a nasty cold. Hope it goes away soon, but I don't think swimming in the ocean will alleviate my illness.
Well, i have errands to run before I have to leave, so I'll catch ya all later (a few days from now). have a good spring break, my friends!

[quote I was searching for today was not available - check back in a week]

spent a considerable amount of time updating myself on my friends' blogs.
Had a busy day today, what with the talent show tryouts, and school, and pre-school workout, and math study group. Surprisingly, I'm not tired. Spent a lot of time tonight reading "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis and talking on the phone with the knot. Now I'm on the computer and probably won't go to bed for another 30 minutes, though I should have been asleep a long time ago.
Don't know where to go and what to do. Seems like I've got some of the bigger stuff figured out (e.g, where I'm going to school next fall) but a lot of the smaller, more trivial things are slowing me down. Shouldn't matter, since I'm going to be gone in 5 months anyway, right? But there's smaller decisions, and algebra, and stuff.
Funny how I used to be so sure of myself. Subsequent re-evaluations have led to less self-confidence and more questions. Questioning everything.... morals, relationships, the nature of love, religion, human interaction.
Speaking of the last subject at hand... I'm just now realizing what consequences my actions have - not on me but on other people. I used to think that I was so insignificant as to not effect change in anybody through interacting with them. Now, I see that while this is true for a majority of people, the few that I do matter to can be pretty affected even just by a little action on my part - a missed comment or lack of a reaction, stuff like that. I don't know if it's my responsibility to change that so I don't hurt people's feelings or make them think that I don't like them. It's a fine line between being normal and being lazy and insensitive. Don't want to be fake.
On a different aspect of topic of above paragraph: people don't intentionally rip people's hearts out. You hear of people being intentionally cruel and playing lovegames just to get satisfaction out of hurting another human being. I just want to say that in most cases the person doing the damage really didn't mean to beat the victim's feeling into the ground with a rubber truncheon. She looks guilty, and many people will blame her for it, but really she just didn't know what she was doing. Not that she shouldn't be blamed, because in part it was her fault, but there are other circumstances which lead up to the final solution. It's just the culmination of a struggle where we are all trying to find what love is and how to handle situations with which we are faced. Unfortunately, some of us make choices which turn out to be wrong or ill-advised.
Of course, I've got 3 people in mind here. More, if you count the casualties. Don't know exactly what I'm trying to say, but there's some of it anyway.
Going to bed now... must function well for calc test tomorrow and track meet Saturday in far-off city (the armpit of WA, as one loyal reader calls it). Prepared to take a week off from everything - school, algebra, various other responsibilities - and have some good old-fashioned fun during Spring Break.

Tonight's music (which has been on repeat and I haven't bothered to turn it off or change the song):
Lady Madonna - Beatles

Currently, I am having fun sending random pictures and sound files over AIM to people I know. Okay, not so random... Tolo pics and classical concertos, which are good for studying. The music, I mean... not so much the pics.
This will indeed prove to be the biggest blog entry about nothing. they're all about nothing, I suppose, but this one is short and has no substance whatsoever. After reading it, you will have no idea as to what mood I'm in... whether I'm happy or sad, frusterated or enlightened, energetic or depressed.
Tough luck for you.
Time to go do situps.

Music: Bachianas Brasiliaras

realized i had a double-post from about a week ago. Have since deleted one of the two said posts. Sorry 'bout that.

so, I made the second-biggest mistake of my life today. Specifically, I convinced my family that we should have Thai on the one day this month that we get to eat out. Sounded good in theory. The flaws: We ordered a family meal, so we got a bunch of food that none of us necessarily liked. Flaw #2 was when Brother #1 told the waitress that we wanted our food "medium" spicy, a level which can be murder on the inexperienced taste bud. Despite my warnings ("you won't like it!"), all our food came to us at this spicyness. Consequentially, Sister and Brother #2 (who usually eats anything put in front of him and then some) refused to eat. The latter of the two commenced whining about how many pizzas we could have bought with the money we spent, and made sarcastic comments about the spiciness. Blamed it on Brother #1. Said he'd rather go to Emperor's Palace.
Oh well, more Thai food for me. I enjoyed it. My family did not. All of us had cleared sinuses.
Needless to say, my family will never again trust me when it comes to taste in food. We'll probably have to follow the whims of Brother #2, who chose a cheap Chinese buffet in Tacoma for his birthday dinner. Definitely a quantity over quality type of guy, which bugs me a little. I've labelled him as such to his face but I don't think he really gets it.
Now I understand why I eat out with my friends. More culture. But going with the family means I don't have to pay.

The following excerpt from Dave Barry's blog made me laugh. Hard.

STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE OCEAN

This thing probably has relatives.
posted by Dave 11:15 AM

If you want more, you can get it here. Fun links to things such as Mullet Haiku, which I have quoted in my AIM profile.
Aren't you guys proud of how I finally figured out how to insert hyperlinks? Everybody clap.
The variables which complicate equations are indeed what makes math fubar. Fucking variables.
I'm dreading telling RF that Jihad took RENT with him to school. He'll probably read this before I get a chance to tell him anyway. Oh well, I could always buy the music, or maybe we'll sing something from "Into the Woods" as originally planned. I was practicing the other song though - about ten times on the way to symphony rehearsal this evening. such fantastic harmony.
CougFest would have been lots better had it been advertised. There were plenty of products, which surprised me, but unfortunately not a lot of people came.
Am feeling fat and unhealthy. Must go to the Valley more and eat less junk food.
Had a weird talk with Jihad about relationships tonight. We each talked about the things we are going through at the moment with current love interests... it's hard to describe. Pulling away from him has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it seems to be working, because there were no crazy pangs of jealously or strange alienating remarks tonight... we were oddly straightforward with each other about each other's lives.
Why am I up so late? I know not. Mostly because of some CDs that this damn computer is taking forever to burn.
Trying to extend the weekend and failing miserably. Spring break in a week, yo. Totally looking forward. Gotta get through this week first, though. And then it's a week without school, but also without Manzanita and Batman. It will be a bit sad.

take a shower, shine your shoes
you've got no time to lose
you're a young man, you must be livin'
go now, you are forgiven

dispatch - the general